IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

In modern world, it is no longer necessary to use animals for food or use animal products, for instance, clothing and medicines. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#world #animals #food #products #medicines
With growing awareness of protecting
animals
, some
people
 suggest that it is inappropriate to use
animals
 for consumption. I am afraid that I can not agree with
this
 opinion since some
people
 have no choice whether to use
animals
 as products or not, and
animals
 play an essential role in plenty of fields’ research. Some
people
 are incapable of abandoning hunting as their primary means of accessing food and products made from
animals
 since their areas are not suitable for developing agriculture or industry.
Hence
 hunting is the only industry they rely on for survival.
For instance
, a village, Liuzhou, famous for its Dog Meat Festival, was accused by eco-friendly groups and institutions of being a community of murderers.
However
, the tradition here formed due to its unsuitable soil condition for cultivating crops and its inconvenient public transportation system for developing a commercial market. Until coming up with any solution to resolve
this
 issue, asking those
people
 to give up their only source of financial support is unfair.
Furthermore
, being completely against
animals
 as productions prevent technology from developing, particularly in the medical area. Many critical medicines are extracted from
animals
’ bodies, and to cite an example, scientists keep trying to use pigs’ hearts to take the place of
people
's hearts which might contribute to the heart disease area when the experiment succeeds.
Moreover
, many significant medical discoveries involved animal experimentation because
animals
’ DNA and physical composition are more similar to humans’ structure than plants’ parts. Using these
animals
 as objectives can ensure the safety and effectiveness of new drugs or new surgeries. Overall, even though
people
 should protect
animals
, some
people
 need to eat
animals
 or sell their prey to survive, along with some fields needing
animals
 for experiments.
Therefore
, animal products will not be banned until equally effective alternatives have been developed.
Submitted by baozilyn on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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