IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some governments spend a lot of public money training individuals to be successful in international sporting events. Some people believe that this money should be spent on things that will benefit the general public instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
International sporting events
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 a
competitions
Change the noun form
competition
show examples
 that may attract international attention . There are some arguments about whether governments should invest more in that kind of
activities
Fix the agreement mistake
activity
show examples
 or in other public needs. I partially agree with the idea to spend more on individual training for some reasons. As we already know,
sports
Use synonyms
 have become one of the most popular entertainments around the world and currently, there are so many competitions among countries. Nowadays,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sporting event has a big influence not only to entertain spectators but
also
Linking Words
 for other types of benefits like national pride and peace . As
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 clear example, we may look at the Philippines. It is a conflict territory that shows tribe war on a daily basis.
However
Linking Words
, the situation will drastically change when Manny Pacquiao (a popular boxer from the Philippines) has an international match on that day. People will sit together in a cafe to watch their representative. Philippines boxing won't be that successful if government refuse to invest much in athlete development. Sporting events
also
Linking Words
 have a benefit to boost state popularity and identity. For the illustration, we can find it in Jamaica. Previously, nobody recognized the presence of the country until they could win the running
Olympic
Fix the agreement mistake
Olympics
show examples
. A similar condition happens to Ivory Coast when people start to dig deeper about the country when they had been selected as one of the world cup participants.
By increasing
Change preposition
Increasing
show examples
 popularity, it may help to affect other sectors like tourism, venture, etc. Despite there are many positive impacts
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 spending public money more for International Event success, we have to consider the rate of investment efficiency. Governments should consider what type of game
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will
easier
Add a missing verb
be easier
show examples
 to be improved. In Indonesia, the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 has spent billions of dollars to create a better national football team, yet it has been a fruitless effort. On the opposite, the other
sports
Use synonyms
 which have got Olympic medals like badminton and weight lifting have only been provided by a small amount of cash. In conclusion, it would be a great situation to have
country
Add an article
a country
show examples
 which may
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 International
Sports
Use synonyms
 achievements. But,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should consider the financial feasibility
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 what type of sport
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
may have a higher impact with less effort.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the idea to spend on
sports
Use synonyms
 training should be continued with a note to analyze it scrupulously before making a decision.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: