IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that spending a lot of money holding birthday parties, wedding parties and other celebration is a waste of money. However, others believe such parties are important for individuals and for society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #money #birthday #parties #celebration #waste #individuals #society
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While some
people
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 believe in spending on events and celebrating special events is beneficial for individuals and society, some
people
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 think it is a waste when too much is spent on
such
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 things. In my opinion, if rich
people
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 in the country spend
money
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 for celebrating can benefit the society as party planners can make
money
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 but if poor spend too much
money
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 to celebrate is a waste. I will discuss
the
Correct your spelling
this
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further
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 in the following paras. Rich
people
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Add the comma(s)
, first of all,
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first
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 of all have the capacity to spend on
parties
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 and it can give the job to many
people
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 involved to make event possible. It is
also
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 required for them in business to keep healthy relationships and
parties
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 is a good
way
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 to get good
way
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 to do business in
informal
Change the article
an informal
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way
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.
For example
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, many
people
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 connect and
interaction
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interact
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 at a party and use
this
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 later in their business. So, celebrating is a good
way
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 for making connections and rich
parties
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 is like a chance to meet. Poor
people
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 on the other have little or no extra income to spend on a big party. Calling
people
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 for birthday
parties
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 is a burden for both the person call
people
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 as they have to spend on food and place and for
people
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 coming as they have to spend on gifts and travel. Today a birthday at a small restaurant or at home can be expensive for small-income
people
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. So,
people
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 think it is a waste to spend on
parties
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 to celebrate. To conclude, everybody wants to celebrate something and have fun but when the rich spend lots of
money
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 it will not hurt them but if poor
people
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 want to spend
then
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 it will be difficult. If rich
people
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 can have a
way
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 to give excess food after the event can help a lot of the poor.
Submitted by Toni R on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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