In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
While
the enhancement of the industrial fields runs across the world, there are some effects on the population proportion in the rural and city
. One of the reasons is the exposure to the opportunity , especially in terms of getting a job. Moving to cities can be one of the choices because there are a lot of opportunities offered compared to the countryside. Nevertheless
, I do not think this
is a positive development regarding some considerations.
First and foremost, unconditional population growth can lead to many problems, such
as traffic jams, air pollution, and other environmental problems because there are so many natural resources used in that particular city
. For instance
, the traffic jam in the big city
is caused by there being too many immigrants from the countryside. Personal vehicles can also
contribute to the degradation of the ozone layer. It can cause hotter temperatures and air pollution. Even though the government has overcome this
situation by operating public transport, it has not really helped or shown a significant improvement in traffic jams.
Secondly
, in the broad views of the countryside the degradation of the population will experience the lack of human resources and the area tends to not improve. It could be the reason why some areas cannot develop significantly in this
era. If some areas are slowly developing, then
they might left behind. For instance
, there are some places that do not fully support technology. Furthermore
, the people cannot have access to improve themselves and their region.
In conclusion, the mobility of people to the city
can be a negative development because it can lead to many environmental problems. Additionally
, it can also
hinder the improvement in rural areas because of the lack of human resources and access to knowledge. Exceptionally, if there is a commitment of the individuals to come back in order to bring improvement to their region, then
, it could be considered as a positive development.Submitted by asyifannisakh on
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Introduction Clarity
Your introduction briefly addresses the topic, but it lacks a clear thesis statement outlining whether you believe the trend to be positive or negative. Adding a clear thesis would strengthen your essay significantly.
Coherence
The coherence of your essay can be improved. Your ideas tend to jump without clear transitions. Use cohesive devices and paragraphing more effectively to signal the relationship between ideas.
Task Response
Your essay responds to the task, but you could elaborate on the reasons why people might choose to return to rural areas. Additionally, consider exploring the other side of the argument for a more balanced view.
Sentence Complexity
Some of your sentences are overly long and complex, leading to clarity issues. Aim for a balance of simple and complex sentence structures to enhance readability and demonstrate grammatical control.
Examples
Your use of specific examples is good, but they could be further elaborated upon to demonstrate a deeper understanding of the issue. Consider discussing the full implications of your examples.