In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#countries #world #people #cities #population #countryside #development

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While

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the enhancement of the industrial fields runs across the world, there are some effects on the population proportion in the rural and

city

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. One of the reasons is the exposure to the opportunity , especially in terms of getting a job. Moving to cities can be one of the choices because there are a lot of opportunities offered compared to the countryside.

Nevertheless

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, I do not think

this

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is a positive development regarding some considerations. First and foremost, unconditional population growth can lead to many problems,

such

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as traffic jams, air pollution, and other environmental problems because there are so many natural resources used in that particular

city

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For instance

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, the traffic jam in the big

city

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is caused by there being too many immigrants from the countryside. Personal vehicles can

also

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contribute to the degradation of the ozone layer. It can cause hotter temperatures and air pollution. Even though the government has overcome

this

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situation by operating public transport, it has not really helped or shown a significant improvement in traffic jams.

Secondly

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, in the broad views of the countryside the degradation of the population will experience the lack of human resources and the area tends to not improve. It could be the reason why some areas cannot develop significantly in

this

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era. If some areas are slowly developing,

then

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they might left behind.

For instance

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, there are some places that do not fully support technology.

Furthermore

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, the people cannot have access to improve themselves and their region. In conclusion, the mobility of people to the

city

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can be a negative development because it can lead to many environmental problems.

Additionally

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, it can

also

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hinder the improvement in rural areas because of the lack of human resources and access to knowledge. Exceptionally, if there is a commitment of the individuals to come back in order to bring improvement to their region,

then

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, it could be considered as a positive development.

Submitted by asyifannisakh on Fri Nov 10 2023

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Introduction Clarity

Your introduction briefly addresses the topic, but it lacks a clear thesis statement outlining whether you believe the trend to be positive or negative. Adding a clear thesis would strengthen your essay significantly.

Coherence

The coherence of your essay can be improved. Your ideas tend to jump without clear transitions. Use cohesive devices and paragraphing more effectively to signal the relationship between ideas.

Task Response

Your essay responds to the task, but you could elaborate on the reasons why people might choose to return to rural areas. Additionally, consider exploring the other side of the argument for a more balanced view.

Sentence Complexity

Some of your sentences are overly long and complex, leading to clarity issues. Aim for a balance of simple and complex sentence structures to enhance readability and demonstrate grammatical control.

Examples

Your use of specific examples is good, but they could be further elaborated upon to demonstrate a deeper understanding of the issue. Consider discussing the full implications of your examples.

10
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

322 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

rural-to-urban migration
population shift
positive impact
negative impact
urbanization
job opportunities
access to education
access to healthcare
urban infrastructure
rural traditions
cultural heritage

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In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

A lot of money is spent nowadays searching for oil. As the world's oil resources will eventually run out, it would be more logical to spend some of this money on developing new sources of power, such as wind and solar. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

One of the widely discussed topics nowadays is that Computers are basis of modern world. It is undeniable that computers have become an essential part of our life.

In many countries, more and more people choose to buy imported food rather than food produced locally. why people buy imported food? What could be done to encourage people to buy local food?

In today’s digital age, anyone with a smartphone can capture and share photographs. this accessibility to photography diminishes the value of professional photographers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Wild animals have no place in the 21st century, so protecting them is a waste of resources. To what extent do you agree or disagree?