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Band 4

what are the advantages and disadvantages of living in a small community?

#community
In the past decades, most
of
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people
 lived in
the
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apply
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small communities named
village
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villages
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. They were born and grew up there. After a
while
 some of them migrated to the cities,
consequently
 their lifestyle
had been
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changed
overall
. They lived
as
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apply
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how
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apply
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as the
people
 who
born
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were born
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 in the city. There were a number of advantages to living in a
village
. As
people
 knew everyone, foreign
people
 were identified as soon as possible
as a result
, the security in the
village
 was high.
Furthermore
, based on their acquaintance they were not alone,
therefor
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they were happier than today’s
people
 in cities.
Also
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Also,
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 they could help each other and use their experiences. Since I know my grandparents are happier and more experienced than my family.
On the other hand
, living in a
village
 had some limitations. In a place where most
of
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people
 knew each other, all the neighbors and
familiars
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families
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 wanted to know all
details
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the details
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 about all of
others’
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the others’
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works
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work
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.
Hence
 you may not keep some of your information
as
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a secret.
Also
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Also,
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 a
village
 is not proper for ambitious persons because they could just grow the simple and small goals.
In addition
, some necessary facilities like
school
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schools
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 and
hospital
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hospitals
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 did not exist in every
village
. As far as I
know
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know,
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 my paternal grandfather was very interested in learning the
alphabets
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alphabet
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, writing and reading, but he could not, until their children taught him a little. In total, I think our grandparents’ generation
were
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was
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 so hearty and warm and felt more happiness. Despite there
is
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being
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 a happy life in the
village
but
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, the technologies that are growing more than ever motivate
people
specially
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especially
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 the ambitious ones to live in a large city to reach their huge purposes.
Submitted by rezvanzbkooroshrzs74 on

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task response
The essay addresses the topic of living in a small village and outlines both advantages and disadvantages. However, the response lacks depth and detailed exploration of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but there is a lack of clear progression and connection between the ideas. The essay would benefit from a more coherent structure and better linking of ideas.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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