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Writing Samples
Band 4

what are the advantages and disadvantages of living in a small community?

#community
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In the past decades, most
of
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people
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 lived in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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small communities named
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village
Fix the agreement mistake
villages
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. They were born and grew up there. After a
while
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 some of them migrated to the cities,
consequently
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 their lifestyle
had been
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changed
overall
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. They lived
as
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apply
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how
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apply
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as the
people
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 who
born
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were born
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 in the city. There were a number of advantages to living in a
village
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. As
people
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 knew everyone, foreign
people
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 were identified as soon as possible
as a result
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, the security in the
village
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 was high.
Furthermore
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, based on their acquaintance they were not alone,
therefor
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apply
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they were happier than today’s
people
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 in cities.
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Also
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Also,
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 they could help each other and use their experiences. Since I know my grandparents are happier and more experienced than my family.
On the other hand
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, living in a
village
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 had some limitations. In a place where most
of
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people
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 knew each other, all the neighbors and
familiars
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families
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 wanted to know all
details
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the details
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 about all of
others’
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the others’
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works
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work
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.
Hence
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 you may not keep some of your information
as
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a secret.
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Also
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Also,
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 a
village
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 is not proper for ambitious persons because they could just grow the simple and small goals.
In addition
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, some necessary facilities like
school
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schools
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 and
hospital
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hospitals
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 did not exist in every
village
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. As far as I
know
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know,
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 my paternal grandfather was very interested in learning the
alphabets
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alphabet
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, writing and reading, but he could not, until their children taught him a little. In total, I think our grandparents’ generation
were
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was
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 so hearty and warm and felt more happiness. Despite there
is
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being
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 a happy life in the
village
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but
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apply
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, the technologies that are growing more than ever motivate
people
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specially
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especially
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 the ambitious ones to live in a large city to reach their huge purposes.
Submitted by rezvanzbkooroshrzs74 on

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task response
The essay addresses the topic of living in a small village and outlines both advantages and disadvantages. However, the response lacks depth and detailed exploration of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but there is a lack of clear progression and connection between the ideas. The essay would benefit from a more coherent structure and better linking of ideas.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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