There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of country more important than the international music that is head everywhere nowadays?

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Music
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is everywhere in society. From coffee shops to elevators to working out at the gym,
music
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is around us and playing constantly.
Music
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is needed for society to function.
First
Linking Words

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and foremost,
music
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helps you relax. When I have insomnia and can't sleep, I put on lullaby
music
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and it always puts me to sleep. I am not the only one who feels the same
way
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; I have read hundreds if not thousands of blogs recommending different kinds of
music
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that make sleeping easier.
Furthermore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
music
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is used as a
way
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to make friends. There are many online forums and gatherings based on
music
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such
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as concerts and
music
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festivals. Many people go to these
music
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concerts to make friends. If
for example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

you like K-Pop
,
Remove the comma
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It appears that you have an unnecessary comma in a compound predicate. Consider removing it.

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and go to a BTS
concert
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

with others who like BTS, you have a common language to speak:
music
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. In general, people not only like
music
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from their own country
,
Remove the comma
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The comma before the conjunction but also appears to be unnecessary. Consider removing it.

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but
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

international
music
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. I believe that international
music
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is the
way
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

of the future. Since English is becoming a language spoken all around the world,
music
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from other countries is becoming more and more infused with English words.
Music
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could
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

be used to help political tension. One example of
music
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helping ease political tension is when a K-Pop band Girls Generation went to North Korea and did a
concert
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for
the
Correct article usage
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It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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North Korean President Kim Jong Un.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

concert
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

helped connect the
otherwise
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

secluded North Korea to the world and because of
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

concert
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, North Koreans became less secluded and even attended an Olympics for the
first
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

time in over 50 years of their existence. In conclusion, international
music
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is more ubiquitous and accessible to people because of the Internet. Thirty to fifty years ago, the only
way
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to hear South Korean
music
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was to go to South Korea and buy
a
Remove the article
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The indefinite article, a, may be redundant when used with the uncountable noun vinyl in your sentence. Consider removing it.

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vinyl, CD, or cassette tape. Now, all you have to do is go to youtube.com and type in "South Korean
Music
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

" and hundreds of thousands if not millions of results will pop up.

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Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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