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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development
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Technology is improving day by day.
Children
Use synonyms
's smartphone
addiction
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 is one of the controversial issues today.
This
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addiction
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 has some important causes
such
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 as the existence of amusing content, the spread of technology and wrong parental behaviour. From my point of view,
this
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 situation is totally detrimental for
children
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.
It is clear that
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smartphones
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 are part of our lives. Unfortunately, our
children
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 have got
addiction
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 to
smartphones
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. Because
children
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 can reach easily phones.
Smartphones
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 have so many amusing contents, games and enjoyable applications. So,
this
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 content draws their attention.
Children
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 don't want to go outside or play real games with their friends. In the present, most friendships occur on the internet.
On the other hand
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,
parents
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 have got some wrong behaviour about their
children
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.
For instance
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, when
children
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 come home, they usually wrap their
smartphones
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 and hang out on the internet.
However
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, if
parents
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 do not allow
this
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addiction
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,
children
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 cannot do anything.
Otherwise
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, we can expect that, if
parents
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 always
use
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 mobile phones near their
children
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,
children
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 will want to
use
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smartphones
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.
Parents
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 must stop themselves. The second point to consider is that
this
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addiction
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 has so many negative effects.
Firstly
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, when
children
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 spend hours on their phones, they have some health issues and characteristic deficiencies. Many resources say that, the
children
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 who
use
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 the phone for a long time visual diseases are more common. Because
smartphones
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 have so much blue light. Blue light influences badly
children
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's eyes.
Moreover
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, if
children
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 spend their time on
smartphones
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, they cannot improve their characteristic features.
For instance
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,
children
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 who
use
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smartphones
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 for the long term cannot establish real friendships.
To sum up
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, as was stated above, smartphone
addiction
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 in
children
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 is caused by the following factors
such
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 as amusing content,
spread
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the spread
show examples
 of technology and wrong parental behaviour. It seems to me
this
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 development
certainly
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is certainly
show examples
 negative development because of health issues and characteristic deficiencies.
Submitted by yito18750 on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure to strengthen the logical connections between your points to make your argument clearer. Although the essay is well-organized, at times, the connections between ideas can be vague.
task achievement
Ensure that all the points you make clearly contribute to answering the question. Some areas, such as the impact on children's character development, could be elaborated with more specific examples or detailed explanations.
coherence cohesion
The essay effectively contains both an introduction and a conclusion, which provides a clear start and an end to your argument.
task achievement
You addressed both parts of the question by discussing reasons for smartphone use and your perspective on its impact, achieving a complete response to the task.
task achievement
Your essay stays on topic and generally answers the question asked, which demonstrates good task achievement.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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