Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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Technology is improving day by day.
Children
's smartphone
addiction
is one of the controversial issues today.
This
addiction
has some important causes
such
as the existence of amusing content, the spread of technology and wrong parental behaviour. From my point of view,
this
situation is totally detrimental for
children
.
It is clear that
smartphones
are part of our lives. Unfortunately, our
children
have got
addiction
to
smartphones
. Because
children
can reach easily phones.
Smartphones
have so many amusing contents, games and enjoyable applications. So,
this
content draws their attention.
Children
don't want to go outside or play real games with their friends. In the present, most friendships occur on the internet.
On the other hand
,
parents
have got some wrong behaviour about their
children
.
For instance
, when
children
come home, they usually wrap their
smartphones
and hang out on the internet.
However
, if
parents
do not allow
this
addiction
,
children
cannot do anything.
Otherwise
, we can expect that, if
parents
always
use
mobile phones near their
children
,
children
will want to
use
smartphones
.
Parents
must stop themselves. The second point to consider is that
this
addiction
has so many negative effects.
Firstly
, when
children
spend hours on their phones, they have some health issues and characteristic deficiencies. Many resources say that, the
children
who
use
the phone for a long time visual diseases are more common. Because
smartphones
have so much blue light. Blue light influences badly
children
's eyes.
Moreover
, if
children
spend their time on
smartphones
, they cannot improve their characteristic features.
For instance
,
children
who
use
smartphones
for the long term cannot establish real friendships.
To sum up
, as was stated above, smartphone
addiction
in
children
is caused by the following factors
such
as amusing content,
spread
Add an article
the spread
show examples
of technology and wrong parental behaviour. It seems to me
this
development
certainly
Add a missing verb
is certainly
show examples
negative development because of health issues and characteristic deficiencies.
Submitted by yito18750 on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure to strengthen the logical connections between your points to make your argument clearer. Although the essay is well-organized, at times, the connections between ideas can be vague.
task achievement
Ensure that all the points you make clearly contribute to answering the question. Some areas, such as the impact on children's character development, could be elaborated with more specific examples or detailed explanations.
coherence cohesion
The essay effectively contains both an introduction and a conclusion, which provides a clear start and an end to your argument.
task achievement
You addressed both parts of the question by discussing reasons for smartphone use and your perspective on its impact, achieving a complete response to the task.
task achievement
Your essay stays on topic and generally answers the question asked, which demonstrates good task achievement.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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