IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

some people say Technology has improved our world. do you agree or disagree with this view?

#people #technology #world
Since the inception of
modern
Add an article
the modern
show examples
 age, human has become advanced by the development of
technology
. In some views, it is regarded as to improve our world. I absolutely agree with their saying because it has made our life easy and comfortable.
To begin
 with,
firstly
, the
advacement
Correct your spelling
advancement
 of
technology
 has improved our travel methods.
In other words
, people can easily travel to any part of the world within a short span of time which was hard when compared to the
past
Correct your spelling
last
show examples
 time.
Secondly
, scientific research in health and biology has increased the life
expectancey
Correct your spelling
expectancy
expectancies
 of human beings.
For instance
, in Japan, the average life of Japanese is 75 years and the reason for
that is
 because of
use
Correct article usage
the use
show examples
 of high medical
technology
 by its medical institutions and
Correct article usage
the
show examples
great quality of health services provided by its government.
Moreover
, The development of information and communication
technology
 is another reason to agree with the statement. To clarify, it is now possible to share the information or contact any person living anywhere due to the
scientist
Change noun form
scientist's
show examples
 contribution
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 communication
technology
.
For instance
, digital devices
such
 as mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 and computers or
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 can be used to talk with a friend in the USA by
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 friend in Nepal at any moment for as
much
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
long as they wanted to talk. In conclusion, we are accompanied by the
technology
 that has improved of lifestyle in many ways. Had not been
technology
 developed so much as today, it would not have been possible to travel so fastly or communicate so quickly.
Submitted by arjunlama798 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: