IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The education of young people is a top priority in all countries of the world. Some people believe that educationg adults who can not read and writebis important to society and needs more funding. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#education #people #priority #countries #world #educationg #adults #writebis #society
Nowadays, getting high education became the priority to which nations are significantly focused.
However
, others claim that it is more appropriate for government to waste more money on educating those, who are not able to read or write. I partly agree with
this
 idea and in the forthcoming paragraphs, I shall discuss it. On the one hand, in modern ,life the majority of adolescents want to be successful and well-educated individuals. So
that is
 the main reason why education is the prior stage of authority.
For example
, providing opportunities for the young generation create a greater future, which means that more professionals in various spheres will promote for
improvement
Replace the word
improving
show examples
Change preposition
of
show examples
the economy of countries.
On the other hand
, non-literate people suffer from serious health issues. These individuals tend to have more workplace accidents, prolonged recovery periods and more frequently misuse medication. Due to the fact they have trouble reading and understanding, they show ignorance towards healthcare resources, relevant information like warnings, dosage, contraindications.
Therefore
, we must take urgent measures and invest funds to educate these adults. They can find respectable and safe jobs for themselves. In conclusion,
although
 some people believe that it is better to concentrate on disabled students, I believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it is rather important to focus on all students who want to be highly educated.
Submitted by rruwwwa on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!