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Writing Samples
Band 5

Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on your children. Do you agree or disagree?

#computer #effects #children
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Life
Use synonyms
 is impossible without the latest technologies and one of them is the
computer
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. Some segments of society argue that
side
Correct article usage
the side
show examples
 effects of
computer
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use
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 are
highly
Replace the adverb
high
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 as compared to the benefits in our
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children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 lives. I completely agree with it and we will discuss some reasons in
following
Correct article usage
the following
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 paragraphs.
Firstly
Linking Words
 ,
mental
Correct article usage
the mental
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 and physical health of
adolescent
Fix the agreement mistake
adolescents
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 is being affected by
usage
Add an article
the usage
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 of
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computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
.
Children
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 spend most of the time in front of computers to play games or
watching
Wrong verb form
watch
show examples
 cartoons. They have lost their
intrest
Correct your spelling
interest
 in education and other curriculum activities. Basically,
mind
Correct article usage
the mind
show examples
 train itself
accoridng
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according
 to the
enviroment
Correct your spelling
environment
. When
children
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 will watch
articial
Correct your spelling
artificial
 things, they will visualize themselves as they watch
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
computer
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 games or movies.
In
Change preposition
As
show examples
result
Correct article usage
a result
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, their mental growth to explore
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
new things will be stopped.
Secondly
Linking Words
, social
life
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 is
Correct your spelling
affected
show examples
effected
Correct your spelling
affected
show examples
 due to
highly
Replace the word
high
show examples
use
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 of
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Add an article
a computer
the computer
show examples
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
.
Children
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use
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 social media
platform
Fix the agreement mistake
platforms
show examples
 to communicate with others.
Face
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 to
face
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 interaction is reducing day by day.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
children
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 cannot perform in public because they have 0% confidence to interact with
peole
Correct your spelling
people
.
For instance
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, there are two
children
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,
Linking Words
first
Correct article usage
the first
show examples
 one who
perfroms
Correct your spelling
performs
 everything like study, making friends, communication with others through
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computer
Add an article
the computer
a computer
show examples
.
In contrast
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,
second
Linking Words
 who is good in social
life
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. He attends live gatherings,
perform
Change the verb form
performs
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 in live public never
look
Wrong verb form
looking
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 like the
first
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 one. Eventually,
usage
Correct article usage
the usage
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 of
computer
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Replace the word
affects
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effects
Correct your spelling
affects
show examples
 our social
life
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 in both direct
or
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and
show examples
 indirect ways. In conclusion,
children
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 should
use
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
Add an article
a computer
the computer
show examples
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 but for
beneficial
Add an article
a beneficial
show examples
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
. Parents should make a
schedual
Correct your spelling
schedule
 to play games or watch
cartoon
Fix the agreement mistake
cartoons
show examples
.
Children
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 should
Add a missing verb
be expert
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expert
Fix the agreement mistake
experts
show examples
 in
Use synonyms
face
Add an article
the face
a face
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 to
face
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 interaction
instead
Linking Words
 of digital communication. My point of view
is rely
Change the verb form
relies
show examples
 on the statement that
computer
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use
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 has more disadvantages than advantages.
Submitted by mahmood.hafiz2272 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Screen time
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Physical inactivity
  • Cognitive development
  • Internet addiction
  • Cyberbullying
  • Inappropriate content
  • Digital literacy
  • Virtual learning environments
  • Parental controls
  • Moderation
  • Online safety
  • Tech-savvy
  • E-learning
  • Information technology
  • Eye strain
  • Social skills
  • Multitasking
  • Interactive education
  • Health repercussions
What to do next:
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