New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do advantages of this outweigh disadvantages?

The advent of new technologies has led to changes in young

children

’s recreational activities. In my view, the drawbacks of those changes are more significant than the benefits. On the one hand, the appearance of new

devices

has brought certain values to

children

First,

more choices are now available on computers or any other electrical

devices

that are connected to the Internet.

This

would satisfy

children

of different preferences for entertainment,

such

as watching movies, listening to music or playing

games

on online

platform

Fix the agreement mistake

platforms

show examples

Second,

some useful skills and necessary qualities can be either

initially

obtained or

horned

Correct your spelling

honed

show examples

by playing electronic

games

. Scientifically, racing

games

help develop motor skills in later life.

Also

, creativity and fast reflexes which are of great use in the future can be enhanced

though

Correct your spelling

through

show examples

puzzle or shooting

games

. Despite those

said

Verb problem

apply

show examples

advantages, I still believe that the downside of the emergence of modern technological

devices

children

’s leisure time is more worrying. The first drawback is that

children

might develop a passive lifestyle and possibly isolate themselves from society.

This

is because

this

way of entertainment is extremely addictive, and

children

therefore

are likely to spend hours in their room without any communication with the outside world if exposed frequently.

Furthermore

, exposure to technology could lead to deterioration in health as hours spent

Change preposition

apply

show examples

using computers can cause tremendous harm to eyesight. In fact,

children

at school age are suffering from

short-sight

Correct your spelling

short-sightedness

show examples

due to

playing video

games

or browsing Facebook for a long time. In conclusion, it seems to me that, regarding

children

’s leisure activities, the benefits of newly introduced technological

devices

are eclipsed by the disadvantages.

Submitted by sajee_5 on Sat Mar 09 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response

Ensure a clear and balanced discussion of both advantages and disadvantages of a topic to meet task response requirements fully. While you provided a viewpoint, expanding on both sides equally could strengthen your argument.

coherence and cohesion

Develop your ideas further with a wider range of linking phrases and cohesive devices. While the essay currently has a logical flow, varying your linking phrases can enhance readability and coherence.

coherence and cohesion

Integrate more transitional phrases to smoothly move from one idea to another, improving the overall cohesion and flow of the essay.

task response

Try to balance the coverage of advantages and disadvantages more evenly in the body paragraphs to maintain a consistent task achievement throughout the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS writing?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

272 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

Topic Vocabulary:

advantages
disadvantages
new technologies
children
free time
access
educational resources
information
development
key skills
enhancing
creativity
imagination
opportunity
connect
convenience
flexibility
lack
physical activity
potential
health issues
impact
social
emotional development
exposure
inappropriate content
addiction
dependency

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

4.5
band
children going to single-sex school have disadvantages in later life . In many countries children are being sent to co-education system and unisex schools by their parents that have various advantages and disadvantages.|
It is undeniable , that children going to single-sex school have disadvantages in later life . In many countries children are being sent to co-education system and unisex schools by their parents that have various advantages and disadvantages.|
4
band
Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
As we consider , There is a significant change in how different countries make money and lead the power by their economy situation and it causes money problems and poverty to the countries which they have less to say in this major. So, in order to solve poverty in these countries , rich countries have startet to give money to poorer countries which is not enough and i agree with this statement because money can't solve every problem. So, you are going to read about this agreement which I discussed in this essay.
5
band
More and more people in the city live in homes with small spaces or no outdoor areas. Do you think it is a negative or positive development?
Obesity has become a global epidemic with an estimated 1.3 billion people overweight or obese.Excess body fat frequently results in increased risk of heart disease, diabetes, liver disease and arthritis. Exercise is one of the most important measures in managing and regulating obesity. These days people are tending towards health consciousness, active fitness and regulating the strength through physical exercises.Many go to gymnasiums and fitness centre to work out using machineries, while others just maintain a physical active lifestyle like walking and climbing stairs.I unequivocally believe that, engaging in physical activities proves to be effective as it induces to achieve results in a cost efficient way and maintains process metabolism.
4
band
You need to take leave from your work of over one month of a period for personal reasons. Write a letter to your boss. In your letter · Explain the reason for the leave and the length of leave you need · Explain how you will keep up-to-date while you’re away · Suggest how your work could be covered while you are away
I hope this letter finds you well. I'm Ramita as a heard marketing manager. I'm writing this letter to inform you that I need to take a vacation about over one month with my personal reasons.
6
band
You and your friend recently went on a holiday together . There is a problem with the photos you have taken during the holiday . Write a letter to your friend to ask for a particular shot .
Hope you find my letter in the best of spirits and good health.

New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do advantages of this outweigh disadvantages?

Include an introduction and conclusion

children going to single-sex school have disadvantages in later life . In many countries children are being sent to co-education system and unisex schools by their parents that have various advantages and disadvantages.|

Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

More and more people in the city live in homes with small spaces or no outdoor areas. Do you think it is a negative or positive development?

You and your friend recently went on a holiday together . There is a problem with the photos you have taken during the holiday . Write a letter to your friend to ask for a particular shot .