IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The government should control the amount of violence in films and on television in order to decrease the violent crimes in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#government #control #amount #violence #films #television #decrease #crimes #society
Films and TV shows today are filled with scenes of attacks, causing, violent behaviours that are increasing in our societies. I agree that by correcting programs and films, some amount of
violence
 can be decreased. In the following paragraphs, I shall put forth my arguments to support my views. One of the reasons I think , reducing the amount of
violence
 on TV and in the cinema would certainly be a good start to decreasing
violence
 among people. It is a well-known fact that the media possesses a lot of power to influence people. So, those in the media must be judicious about delivering news in a balanced manner that brings the story suitably to the consumer.
For instance
, Children's shows have to educate them on the ways to interact with other communities and
also
 be right behaviours so that children can truly shape their personalities, values and beliefs. One should note here that, the youth imitate what they see and it is logical that they see glamour in what they do when they commit to action.
As a result
, society will be full of
violence
. For a simple example, when children watch Superman on Television, belonging to older people, are frequently in the habit of
aping
Verb problem
asking
show examples
 the actor to perform scenes of fighting. But it is undeniable that violent crimes on communications channels probably help the young can awake to the wrong things.
Thus
, they not only leave away those bad activities but
also
 know to resolve when they fall into those situations To put it in a nutshell, I
pen down
Verb problem
am
show examples
 saying that, having a check on the
violence
 in TV programmes and films, would certainly be a good start to decrease the
violence
 and crime in society.
Submitted by tn.trannhan68 on

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task response
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments. Try to connect your ideas more cohesively to improve the logical flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supports the main argument. Use transition words to improve the coherence between your ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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