IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Leaders and directors in an organization are frequently older people. Some people think young leaders would be better. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#leaders #directors #organization #people
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Elders are virtually in charge of group leading;
However
, there is a notion that employing youngsters as a head is more effective. I side with those who think youngsters are better in
this
 regard
due to
 being more up-to-date and providing a warm and friendly work environment which will be discussed as follows: Young leaders bring more advantages to the community as they are exposed to the latest knowledge and skills.
This
 is to say that
such
 prospective employees have more time to spend time finding about modern information, technology, and in general the modern world.
Although
 elders are interested in
such
 areas, they mostly go about their businesses as usual because the older they get, the more struggling with their personal lives. Young bosses make team progress by adopting the policy of updating.
For example
, a young leader can come up with a new advertising strategy for products.
This
 leads to an increase in revenue stimulating workforces to make an effort to achieve more and more.
In addition
, heading by young individuals provides an amicable atmosphere in which
laborers
Change the spelling
labourers
show examples
 interface with each other comfortably since there is no large gap in ages between bosses and experts.
In other words
, everybody can give her opinions openly and work conveniently.
This
 condition mitigates stress existing between workers.
To sum up
, an organization with a young manager has more opportunities to achieve success owing to modernizing association and a close atmosphere which incentive folk to work harder. It is noticed that when the elderly accumulate knowledge and experiences, they can be consultants for young leaders.
Submitted by pnasywasina on

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coherence cohesion
The essay presents a reasonable structure but lacks clear and strong transitions between ideas. To improve, use more varied and precise connecting words to aid flow.
coherence cohesion
Both introduction and conclusion are present, but they need to be more developed. Ensure that your introduction sets the premise for the argument and your conclusion adequately summarizes and closes the discussion.
coherence cohesion
The main points in support of the argument are present, but they would benefit from deeper elaboration and analysis. Explore your points more thoroughly, and back them up with more detailed examples.
task achievement
You have responded to the task, however, the response is quite general and lacks depth. To enhance your score, ensure that your argument fully addresses all parts of the prompt, with a clear position and reasoned points throughout.
task achievement
Ideas presented are on the right track but could be developed further for clarity and comprehensiveness. Strive to expand on your ideas to fully convey your arguments and perspectives.
task achievement
Try to incorporate more relevant and specific examples to support your points. This will make your argument stronger and more convincing. Personal anecdotes or references to real-world events can be highly effective.
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