IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Many people believe that music is just a form of entertainment, whilst others believe that music has a much larger impact on society ode. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #music #form #entertainment #whilst #impact #society #ode
There are many types of
music
 are being made nowadays. They have been developed by many instruments and they are being famous through
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 and apps. Some
people
 say that
songs
 are only for
entertained
Change the form of the verb
entertaining
show examples
, but
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 say they have
impact
Add an article
an impact
show examples
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
.
Therefore
, I will explain
this
 question as follows.
First
, some
people
 say that
music
 is just a form of entertainment.
In other words
, they think that song is for enjoying like
TV
Add an article
a TV
show examples
 program. It can let
people
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
listen and enjoy it, but it cannot affect
people
.
Also
, the story of
music
 is commonly
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fiction like
novels
Fix the agreement mistake
novel
show examples
.
Thus
, they think the
songs
 are only a way for entertaining.
Second
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others think that
music
 has
impact
Add an article
an impact
show examples
 on
society
. Each song has
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
lyrics and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
stories which can win the sympathy
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
people
.
Besides
this
, the messages of the
music
 are
also
 important to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
. They can be the message of the person who wrote the song to the
community
.
For example
,
a
Remove the article
music
a piece of music
show examples
music
 called ‘Tomboy’ is being famous now. The strong messages of ‘I believe
myself’
Correct your spelling
myself
show examples
, ‘We’re not done’ give
people
 a strike and won
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 sympathy
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
people
.
Therefore
,
people
 think that sounds have
effect
Correct article usage
an effect
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
community
. In conclusion, I agree
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the
second
 opinion because I have seen much famous
music
 have impacted
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human
society
. Sometimes the messages of
songs
 can change the
community
. I
also
 have some
music
 that I get sympathy
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. So, I think
songs
 have
effect
Add an article
an effect
show examples
 on the
community
.
Submitted by 2563150921 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: