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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people believe that music is just a form of entertainment, whilst others believe that music has a much larger impact on society ode. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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There are many types of
music
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 are being made nowadays. They have been developed by many instruments and they are being famous through
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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 and apps. Some
people
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 say that
songs
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 are only for
entertained
Change the form of the verb
entertaining
show examples
, but
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
others
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other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 say they have
impact
Add an article
an impact
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 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
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.
Therefore
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, I will explain
this
Linking Words
 question as follows.
First
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, some
people
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 say that
music
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 is just a form of entertainment.
In other words
Linking Words
, they think that song is for enjoying like
TV
Add an article
a TV
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 program. It can let
people
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to
Change the verb form
apply
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listen and enjoy it, but it cannot affect
people
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.
Also
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, the story of
music
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 is commonly
a
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apply
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fiction like
novels
Fix the agreement mistake
novel
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.
Thus
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, they think the
songs
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 are only a way for entertaining.
Second
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,
the
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apply
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others think that
music
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 has
impact
Add an article
an impact
show examples
 on
society
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. Each song has
the
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apply
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lyrics and
the
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apply
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stories which can win the sympathy
from
Change preposition
of
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 the
people
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.
Besides
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this
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, the messages of the
music
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 are
also
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 important to
the
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apply
show examples
society
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. They can be the message of the person who wrote the song to the
community
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.
For example
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,
a
Remove the article
music
a piece of music
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music
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 called ‘Tomboy’ is being famous now. The strong messages of ‘I believe
myself’
Correct your spelling
myself
show examples
, ‘We’re not done’ give
people
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 a strike and won
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 sympathy
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
people
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.
Therefore
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,
people
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 think that sounds have
effect
Correct article usage
an effect
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
community
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. In conclusion, I agree
for
Change preposition
with
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 the
second
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 opinion because I have seen much famous
music
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 have impacted
the
Correct article usage
apply
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human
society
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. Sometimes the messages of
songs
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 can change the
community
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. I
also
Linking Words
 have some
music
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 that I get sympathy
on
Change preposition
for
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. So, I think
songs
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 have
effect
Add an article
an effect
show examples
 on the
community
Use synonyms
.

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