IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays many families move overseas for job opportunities and take their children along with them. Some people think that this is beneficial for their children of these families, while others think that children will find it difficult. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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It becomes necessary for
families
Use synonyms
 to take
children
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 with them
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 when they obtain well-paid employment opportunities
aborad
Correct your spelling
abroad
. It is said by some that
overseas
Correct article usage
the overseas
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 environment can provide a better quality of life for
children
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;
however
Linking Words
, others believe that
this
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
 has negative sides. I strongly believe that abroad provides significant benefits for
families
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 and
children
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, including different supporting programs. Some individuals believe that bringing
children
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 abroad provides numerous benefits, as
this
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happening
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experience
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 offers wide exposure
of
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to
show examples
 different cultures. When
children
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 enrol in foreign daycares and
schools
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, they experience to engage in distinct backgrounds
of peers
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apply
show examples
, which helps them to become
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
open-minded
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
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.
This
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developement
Correct your spelling
development
further
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 supports
children
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 to build strong communication skills and increase connection with
multicultural
Correct article usage
a multicultural
show examples
 community. Opponents of
this
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 trend think that some
children
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 are less likely to cope with oversea environment. It is often noticed that
children
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 are not used to
speak
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speaking
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 and
listen
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listening
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 to other languages, foreign food and
engage
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engaging
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 in ambiance.
Therefore
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,
children
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 feel isolated and
loneliness
Replace the word
lonely
, which ultimately decreases their interest
to live
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
in
abroad
Verb problem
living abroad
show examples
. Eventually, they may have to cope with poor academic performance at
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schools
Check wording
school
show examples
, leading to unsatisfactory academic results. In my view,
this
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 trend is highly positive because
children
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 get the opportunity to learn significant skills at
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 very early age. If
children
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 feel isolated and lonely,
families
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 and school educators can support them, as various programs are provided by community centres and
schools
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 to support international
families
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 socially and emotionally. In conclusion, taking
children
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to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
abroad has both advantages and disadvantages.
However
Linking Words
, if appropriate efforts are made by parents and
schools
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,
children
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 will
more
Verb problem
be more
show examples
 likely to develop happier lives.
Also
Linking Words
, foreign countries are highly beneficial for
children
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 to learn important skills in the
begining
Correct your spelling
beginning
 of their lives so that they can thrive in their bright future.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You talk about each view, but you can add one more clear idea for each side.
task response
Give a more direct opinion in the body. Your opinion is clear, but it should stay strong in all parts.
task response
Use one simple real example to support your ideas. This will make your points stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Make some sentences more clear. A few ideas are hard to follow because of word choice and grammar.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a smoother way. Some links are good, but a few parts feel sudden.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph and explain it step by step.
task response
You answer both views and give your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear intro, body, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Most paragraphs stay on one main topic.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Multicultural environment, Assimilation, Cognitive flexibility, Linguistic proficiency, Social integration
  • Alienation, Homesickness, Peer support, Academic transition, Bicultural identity
  • Adaptive strategies, Familial guidance, Psychological well-being, Socio-emotional development, Cultural intelligence
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