Nowadays, a large amount of advertising aiming at children should be banned because of the negative effects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

I have two big achievements in academic and non-academic that created my value as a student increased.

Firstly

, in the quarter of ,2021 I had followed many essay competitions that were sponsored by many of Indonesia's universities. I participated because I have experienced joined the same competitions when I was in Senior High School. So, I did read and research through different websites, especially sustainable food and nature articles and books by foreign researchers. Again, I attended a writing digital marketing webinar was sponsored by Google that explained how to influence people to buy products through reading a text on social media advertisement posting . Based on research activities and a soft skills webinar, I produced an essay-writing formula for joining many championships. As the result of many events, I won one that was held by the Food Technology and Agroindustry Faculty of Matram University for the national

second

winner about food sustainable solutions from algae. The final result gave me to improve my ability in writing skills for other fields

such

as articles and a story. More clear, I was chosen to help my friend in media for the InovTek Expo 2022, which was held by Badan Riset Daerah NTB (BRIDA) and one of the shows for welcomed Motor GP Mandalika 2022, wrote an article about opening day 1 of the Expo for social media posting.

Secondly

, at the end of 2019, I started learning English with resource many online platforms. The best part, I did chat with many foreigners from many countries

such

as China and South Korea citizen on PenPal and Tandem websites.

For example

, I did chat with a South Korean man who was name Min Jun. We were in the same situation developed English skills, especially in writing. Now, I have been chatting with him for 2 years and sharing about cultures, international issues, society, and government policies relatively on Gmail and following each other on Instagram. To conclude, I received two benefits which are writing and communication skill, especially in academic and non-academic which are super meaningful for my future.

Mon Mar 28 2022

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

1 paragraphs

346 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

4.5
band
Some people believe that it is wrong to keep animals in zoo. While others think that zoos are both entertaining and ecologically important. Discuss both views
The issue of whether or not animals should be kept in zoos has sparked a lot of controversy. Some people believe that it is bad to keep animals in zoos while others say that zoos are both interesting and ecologically important. I personally side with those that argue that zoos are both entertaining and ecologically important.
4.5
band
Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships that people make? Has this been a positive or negative development?
It is argued that in our days, the communication and relationship between individuals has changed. Some people think that this new type of interaction is positive and others think that are negative. But on this essay, I will show why in my opinion it is a positive change. I believe that now communication that people make is easier, for many reasons thanks to smartphones and new applications which also help this task.
6.5
band
There is construction taking place near your home and the noise is disturbing you. Write a letter to your local council. In the letter, Describe the construction Explain why the construction is a problem for you Say what you would like them to do about it You do NOT need to write any addresses. Begin your letter as follows: Dear Sir or Madam,
I'm writing this letter to you to inform you of some problems that are linked to a new project of the council of Kermanshah District 8 where a new noise has been a bad nuisance for all neighbours. Also, I should say that for the last week, this noise has been annoying us until 10 p.m.
6.5
band
One problem faced by almost every large city is traffic congestion. · What do you think the causes are? · What solutions can you suggest?
The production of cars is rapidly rising in the world market as everyone prefers to travel at their convenience which leads to noise and air pollution. However, I think it can be tackled easily by putting effort into public transport.
7.5
band
Nowadays many people work longer time and got more stressful jobs than ever before. What causes this? How can employers make the worker's lives easier?
In today’s world, due to significant global changes, more than before, people suffer from being at disturbing workplaces and longer work hours. The cause of this issue could be the competitive conditions in the workplace and the time limit to deliver a product. Companies can solve this issue by setting fair labour conditions and increasing the number of workers.

Nowadays, a large amount of advertising aiming at children should be banned because of the negative effects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Some people believe that it is wrong to keep animals in zoo. While others think that zoos are both entertaining and ecologically important. Discuss both views

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships that people make? Has this been a positive or negative development?

One problem faced by almost every large city is traffic congestion. · What do you think the causes are? · What solutions can you suggest?

Nowadays many people work longer time and got more stressful jobs than ever before. What causes this? How can employers make the worker's lives easier?