IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Multicultural societies, where people of different groups live together, bring more benefits than drawbacks to a country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#societies #people #groups #country
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In recent years, some
people
Use synonyms
 think that many cultures in the societies and
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 of different communities live together is gain more
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
show examples
 than
Add an article
a disadvantage
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disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
show examples
 to a
country
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, someone may argue that it is gain advantages
such
Linking Words
 as democracy. From my perspective, I believe
that is
Linking Words
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 positive
ways
Fix the agreement mistake
way
show examples
 to have
people
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 from multiple communities to make benefits
to
Change preposition
apply
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the
country
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 in these areas.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
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 in some countries may not know how to be
Add an article
a democracy
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democracy
Replace the word
democratic
show examples
.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, for the new world,
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an individual
the individual
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individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 should know how to respect other citizens and listen to
everyone
Change noun form
everyone's
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 voices to develop the city.
For example
Linking Words
, if every person
listen
Change the verb form
listens
show examples
 to each other, so they will develop the
country
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
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, some companies are accepting just their citizen because of many components
such
Linking Words
 as
language
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 or race.
That is
Linking Words
 maybe true but,
global
Correct article usage
a global
show examples
 workforce is can help company increase
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
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 of many things
such
Linking Words
 as
workforce
Correct article usage
the workforce
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 because they can accept any race to work with the company.
Moreover
Linking Words
, many
kind
Change to a plural noun
kinds
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 of
people
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 in a company will be interesting for
global
Add an article
a global
the global
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 workforce.
Finally
Linking Words
, it is generally accepted that having many races in a
country
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 may help
individual
Add an article
the individual
an individual
show examples
 learn another
language
Use synonyms
. In constant, they can learn their
second
Linking Words
 or
third
Linking Words
language
Use synonyms
 from oversea
people
Use synonyms
 and it can help them to learn
Use synonyms
language
Correct article usage
a language
show examples
 easier than they learn by themselves.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, they will
Add a missing verb
be active
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active
Replace the word
act
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 to know each other to participate in
language
Use synonyms
 class. In conclusion, From my point of view, having
people
Use synonyms
 in different cultures is more
advantages
Replace the word
advantageous
show examples
 than
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 no native citizens because it can bring a lot of benefits.
Submitted by Kookkikpamika on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural exchange
  • cultural fabric
  • traditions and perspectives
  • innovation
  • economic growth
  • social cohesion
  • tolerance and understanding
  • unity in diversity
  • cultural clashes
  • language barriers
  • multilingualism
  • integration
  • translation services
  • prejudice
  • diversity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: