Many people believe that music is just a form of entertainment, whilst others believe that music has a much larger impact on society today. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. (250 words).

#people #music #form #entertainment #whilst #impact #society

People

have different opinions over whether

music

just provides enjoyment to

people

or not. Regarding

this

, some assert that

music

has a great power that influent on society in contemporary society.

This

essay will outline why they support each side and my view. On the one hand, some

people

believe that

music

is just a type of amusement because it is not essential for living. While individuals can survive without

music

, they cannot maintain living without public services

such

as transportation, education, and healthcare.

For example

, a survey conducted by the Korea Educational Foundation has revealed that almost 30% of

parent

Fix the agreement mistake

parents

show examples

prefer their children to study other major subjects

such

as Science and

Mathmatics

Correct your spelling

Mathematics

rather than

Music

. The example clearly illustrates

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

many

people

tend to think that

music

is just a form of art, not a compulsive one.

On the other hand

music

has

Change the article

show examples

important impact on health. Not only can

music

reduce stress, but it may

also

change obsessional thinking, thereby leading to being relaxed. In fact, many scientists have

Correct your spelling

proved

show examples

prooved

Correct your spelling

proved

show examples

that

music

has

Correct article usage

the

show examples

power to treat physical and psychological problems.

Hence

, it is reasonable to say that

music

is crucial in

stressful

Add an article

a stressful

show examples

society.

Moreover

, national identity will be increased by

music

as it has a role

to gether

Correct your spelling

together

show examples

inhabitants. Broadly speaking,

people

can feel

belongings

Correct pronoun usage

their belongings

show examples

through

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

music

For instance

, when Japan

conqured

Correct your spelling

conquered

Korea almost 100 years ago,

although

it was

the

Correct article usage

show examples

terrifying period, Koreans kept singing traditional songs.

As a result

, it increased teamwork

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and got their country back.

Therefore

, there is no doubt to point out that

music

helps

people

have

national

Add an article

a national

show examples

identity. In conclusion, while I accept that

music

can sometimes be enjoyable, I would point out that it has the great power of healing and improving national identity.

Submitted by hiasince38 on Tue Mar 29 2022

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

296 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.5

Complete response

8.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

1. Escapism
2. Social gatherings
3. Cultural heritage
4. Traditions
5. Social change
6. Political expression
7. Awareness
8. Community
9. Belonging
10. Therapeutic benefits
11. Mental health
12. Emotional expression
13. Cognitive performance
14. Concentration
15. Memory
16. Productivity

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Many people believe that music is just a form of entertainment, whilst others believe that music has a much larger impact on society today. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. (250 words).

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some parents are worried about the increasing level of violence in tv, video games and other type of entertainment for children's leisure. How does this effect children? How do you think problem can be tackles?

In many countries, some people earn very high salaries. Some people think that this is good for a country. Others believe that the government should not allow people to earn salaries above a certain level. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people believe that professionals such as doctors and engineers ,should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays, people have developed poor eating habits and do not eat balanced diet. What are the reasons behind this? Suggest possible solutions to control this.

The charls below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.