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Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negativedevelopment? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#people #technology #relationships #become #negativedevelopment
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In recent years, the way peoIn recent years, the ways in which individuals engage with each other have significantly changed
as a result
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 of
technology
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.
This
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 has led to the development of superficial relationships. In my opinion,
this
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 phenomenon has been a negative development as it has resulted in a sedentary lifestyle and diminished
communication
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 and linguistic abilities. It is undeniable that advances in
technology
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 have made relationships among individuals very basic and lacking in depth. Social media platforms have made
communication
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 easy and convenient through various options
such
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 as audio calls, video calls, and FaceTime, making social media a more appealing means of engaging with others. Nowadays, many people prefer to text or chat through their smartphones rather than visiting each other in person or taking walks in parks like in the past.
While
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this
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 has been crucial in overcoming geographical barriers, it lacks the emotional connection that face-to-face
communication
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 provides.
Moreover
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, the improper use of emojis can change the meaning of a conversation, as people tend to interpret emojis based on their feelings, leading to potential misunderstandings and
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of emotional depth in relationships. The overuse of
technology
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 can result in the widespread adoption of a sedentary lifestyle. People often spend significant amounts of time on their mobile phones communicating with others, which can contribute to health issues
such
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 as obesity and increased stress levels. Recent studies have shown a direct correlation between spending excessive hours on digital devices and heightened stress levels. In conclusion,
while
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 social media has made
communication
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 easy and convenient and has played a key role in bridging geographical gaps,
it is clear that
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 the proliferation of
technology
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 has led to a sedentary lifestyle and has negatively impacted
communication
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 and linguistic
abilitiesple
Correct your spelling
abilities
engage
Fix the infinitive
to engage
show examples
 with
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 another has significantly changed
due to
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Submitted by shantalesiyoni23 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea related to the main argument. Avoid repeating points and ensure every sentence contributes to the overall argument.
task achievement
Strengthen your task response by including more specific examples. For instance, mentioning real studies or personal experiences can add depth to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Avoid redundant sentences, like the one at the end of your introduction, and ensure your arguments flow logically from one to the next.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion should recap the main points without introducing any new ideas. Ensure it succinctly reinforces your thesis without being repetitive.
task achievement
Vary your sentence structures to keep the reader engaged. Using different sentence types can make the essay more interesting and readable.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the argument well.
task achievement
You've addressed the task well by discussing both the changes in relationships due to technology and the negative impacts.
coherence cohesion
The language used demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and some complex sentence structures.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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