Some believe that engaging in an active pastime does more to develop life skills than time spent reading. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is often argued that

indulgance

Correct your spelling

indulgence

in a hobby leads to greater development of

life

skills in comparison to time utilized on reading. I strongly agree with the statement because involvement in activities helps in overcoming shyness in

Remove the article

apply

show examples

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

and it teaches a

real

Add a hyphen

real-life

show examples

life

lesson.

First

of all, hobbies

makes

Change the verb form

make

show examples

a person outgoing which helps in making a friendship circle. There are

activites

Correct your spelling

activities

which involves

participation

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the participation

show examples

of different

people

and it leads to the strengthening of

bond

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the bond

a bond

show examples

among them which is not possible in

case

Correct article usage

the case

show examples

of reading

books

For instance

game

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the game

a game

show examples

of cricket include 11

palyers

Correct your spelling

players

Change preposition

show examples

Remove the article

apply

show examples

ground, so to win a match there should be a team effort by all the members of

team

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the team

show examples

. If all the members of a team will not perform equally, the probability of winning a match declines significantly.

Therefore

, active pastime helps in the building of long term relationships by overcoming shyness, which plays

crucial

Add an article

a crucial

show examples

role in

people

Change noun form

people's

show examples

lives.

Furthermore

, participation in

activites

Correct your spelling

activities

helps to learn about

real

Add a hyphen

real-life

show examples

life

lessons. To elaborate on

this

, hobbies makes us aware of

real

Add a hyphen

real-life

show examples

life

problems, which is totally different from sitting inside

home

Correct article usage

the home

show examples

Moreover

, it enhances the

creatvity

Correct your spelling

creativity

among the

people

and

make

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makes

show examples

them

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apply

show examples

care for others, which is the fundamental

Correct your spelling

principle

show examples

principal

Correct your spelling

principle

show examples

of being

human

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a human

show examples

being.

Such

real

Add a hyphen

real-life

show examples

life

lessons are

impoosible

Correct your spelling

impossible

to learn by going through

books

For example

, it has been researched that those

people

who allocate more time

Change preposition

show examples

outdoor

activites

Correct your spelling

activities

, appears to be more creative and smart in mitigating

the

Change the word

their

show examples

daily problems.

Thus

, it plays a pivotal role in making us aware of

real

Add a hyphen

real-life

show examples

life

issues. In conclusion, I agree with the statement that involvement in hobbies are more beneficial in enhancing

life

skills than that

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apply

show examples

reading

books

because it

result

Change the verb form

results

show examples

overall

Add an article

the overall

show examples

grooming of a person by making them

extrovert

Correct article usage

an extrovert

show examples

and teaches

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

valuable learning about

life

which is challenging to gain only by reading

books

Submitted by drvishal13 on Tue Mar 29 2022

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
37Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

319 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Self-discipline
Interpersonal skills
Kinesthetic learning
Cognitive development
Empathy
Resilience
Dexterity
Analytical skills

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