IELTS Writing Correction Service /
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Band 6

The use of mobile phone is as antisocial as smoking. Smoking is banned in certain places so mobile phone should be banned like smoking. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#phone #places
Nowadays, mobile phones have become one of the essential factors for living in
this
 era. The benefits of using
this
 digital gadget are convenient application, availability and increasing utilities. To cessation
Add a comma
,
show examples
mobile
phone
use
 might be very difficult, in
this
 essay, the advantages and some disadvantages of mobile
phone
 or smartphone usage will be explained. It is undeniable that mobile phones have become a massive part of human activities.
First
 and foremost, the most important thing is to create a smart vision, people can
use
 smart devices to navigate the way in each search engine
for example
; google Maps or digital compass. A
further
 benefit is controlling, we are able to
use
 the voice and touching screen mode for making our lifestyles become easier
such
 as food delivery, online shopping or even online banking. Another beneficial aspect of using a mobile
phone
 is to narrow the distances in
this
 world, people could stay in touch with their international partners or foreign pals with many kinds of messenger platforms. There are ,
however
, drawbacks to spending too much time on the screen. There are possibly some causes of visual fatigue and nervous system problems when you stared too much at the mobile
phone
 screen.
Moreover
, there might be some antisocial problems, because they only pay attention
on
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 the small smart devices , and that might severely be caused some personality disorders.
Lastly
, the social media crime or cyber-criminal issues should not have been abandoned, according to internet banking , users had to be more careful and never gave their real credit card numbers and checked for verification properly. In conclusion, mobile phones had brought us a better convenient lifestyle and multi utilisation, the advantages precisely outweigh the drawbacks.
Nevertheless
, the users need to be aware of some cyber crimes and frauds on social platforms. If we
use
 them smartly, we will
use
 them with safety and maximum benefits.
Submitted by was_27 on

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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • antisocial
  • social interactions
  • negative impacts
  • banning
  • regulated
  • completely banned
  • education
  • awareness campaigns
  • responsible
  • mobile phone use
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