Competition for university study is becoming increasingly strong. Why are universities becoming more competitive? Is this a positive or negative development?

#competition #university #study #universities #development

In the contemporary era, more

people

compete with one another to achieve their goals. Among these,

competition

for studying in top universities is on the rise. In the following paragraphs, I will discuss why

this

happens and I will clarify, why I think it is a positive phenomenon. There have been many reasons which lead to

this

competition

To begin

with, the young generation tends to find decent jobs offering a good salary. For these job opportunities would be hired the most qualified

people

usually study at the top

academy

Fix the agreement mistake

academies

show examples

As a result

, universities as a decisive factor in one's resume, turn important for

people

caring about their future prospects.

Furthermore

, studying at a great university increases the chance of success.

This

is because these universities provide a wide range of facilities which are one of the most contributors to achievements. I believe

such

a circumstance with a positive point of view

due to

different reasons.

Firstly

this

competition

contributes to enhancing the young's motivation.

This

is, having a purpose and trying to make it real, leads to a meaningful life. It, itself, develops a number of conductive traits including determination, dedication and

hard-working

Correct word choice

hard work

show examples

Secondly

competition

adds colour to our boring life. In terms of

mentally healthy

Replace the word

mental health

show examples

, when a person has to try hard for a certain goal the process, itself, will uplift her/ his spirits, regardless of the results.

For example

, a professional athlete who worked out hard for ages to take part in an international game

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

will be mentally healthier than some

people

who don't have any purpose in their life.

To conclude

, many reasons are behind the increased

competition

for studying in educational institutions and

this

trend has some positive effects on students.

Submitted by Fataremi on Wed Mar 30 2022

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coherence cohesion

The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, establishing the main topic and summarizing the main points. However, the overall logical structure could be improved to enhance coherence.

task achievement

The essay addresses the question prompt and presents some relevant ideas. However, the response lacks depth and could be further developed with clearer examples and more comprehensive reasoning.

lexical resource

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and uses appropriate academic language. However, there is room for improvement in terms of using more sophisticated and precise vocabulary.

grammatical range

The essay shows control over basic grammatical structures and uses them accurately. However, there are some instances where more complex sentence structures and grammatical forms could be utilized.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

286 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

rising demand
globalization
prestigious
advances in technology
accessibility
employment market
qualifications
limited resources
admission caps
high-quality education
career prospects
online learning
faculty limitations
competitive edge
aspiration
surge

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Competition for university study is becoming increasingly strong. Why are universities becoming more competitive? Is this a positive or negative development?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people think a solution can be to increase the price of fattening foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

These days, many children in western countries are obese. What are the causes and solutions to this problem?

Many think that religion should be taught in schools while others think it should be avoided. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

In your opinion how can the government of each country eradicate or lessen the crimes committed by their own people? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

More and more people nowadays visit well-known places to take photographs of themselves, without looking at the place. Why do you think this happen? Is it a positive or negative trend?