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Writing Samples
Band 7

now a days, more people are choosing to socialise online rather than face to face. is this a negative or positive development?

#people #socialise #face #development
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The advent of social
media
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 has revolutionized the way people interact, with many preferring online
socialization
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 over face-to-face
interactions
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.
This
Linking Words
 shift has sparked intense debate, with some hailing it as a breakthrough and others decrying it as a detrimental trend. In my opinion, the proliferation of online
socialization
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 at the expense of in-person
interactions
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 is a decidedly negative development. One significant drawback of online
socialization
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 is the erosion of deep, meaningful relationships. In
India
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,
for instance
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, the rising popularity of social
media
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 platforms has led to a decline in community gatherings and family
interactions
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. A study by the Indian Journal of Psychology found that excessive social
media
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 use among Indian youth correlates with increased feelings of loneliness and isolation.
This
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 is alarming, as face-to-face
interactions
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 are essential for emotional well-being and social skills development.
Furthermore
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, online
socialization
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also
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 perpetuates the culture of superficiality, where individuals present curated versions of themselves. In
India
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, the pressure to maintain a digital persona can lead to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem.
For example
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, a survey by the National Commission for Women in
India
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 revealed that 70% of women reported feeling unhappy with their bodies
due to
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 social
media
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 comparisons.
This
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 highlights the damaging consequences of prioritizing online relationships over authentic, face-to-face connections. In conclusion, the trend of prioritizing online
socialization
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 over face-to-face
interactions
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 is a negative development. As evidenced by the examples from
India
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, it leads to shallow relationships, increased loneliness, and decreased self-esteem. To foster healthier social dynamics, it is crucial that we strike a balance between online connectivity and meaningful in-person
interactions
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.
Submitted by drnivyamohan1992 on

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cohesion
To further strengthen cohesion, consider adding more transitional phrases to clearly link each paragraph and idea.
task response
Ensure every main point is accompanied by supporting details and/or examples, particularly those outside of the study context.
introduction/conclusion
The essay includes a strong introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
task response
Examples from India were well-incorporated, making the argument concrete and relevant.
coherence
Logical structure is clear, making it easy to follow the writer's argument.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • social media platforms
  • online interactions
  • virtual communication
  • global community
  • interpersonal skills
  • digital divide
  • cyberspace
  • virtual presence
  • social networking
  • mental wellbeing
  • digital literacy
  • safe spaces
  • marginalized groups
  • face-to-face communication
  • socialisation
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