IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

The unlimited use of cars may cause problems. What are those problems? In order to reduce the problems, should we discourage people to use cars? Give a reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.

#cars #people #reason
In modern society,
cars
 are essential parts of our daily life. Many households have their own
cars
 for different purposes.
However
,
such
 a useful machine causes a few problems
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the world. In
this
 way, I recommend that we should take other options rather than
cars
. In the following, I will present my view.
Firstly
,
cars
 are one of the sources of air pollution. Every
car
 has an engine. When
this
 power unit is operating, it produces
greenhouse
 gases, which will enhance the
greenhouse
 effect of the earth. In
this
 way, unlimited use of
cars
 may cause a large
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
greenhouse
 gases,
thus
 detrimental to our environment.
Secondly
, a lot of
people
 died or inure due to
car
 accidents. Though modern
cars
 install
many
Replace the quantifier
much
show examples
equipment
Change to a plural noun
equipments
show examples
 to ensure the safety of
car
 drivers and passengers, many
car
 accidents rise from human errors.
For instance
,
people
 drink a lot of alcohol before driving. If we allow more
people
using
Change the verb form
to use
show examples
cars
,
Remove the article
apply
show examples
the
Correct your spelling
then
show examples
 it is unavoidable that more accidents will occur.
Therefore
, I suggest
people
 use more alternative transportations rather than
cars
.
For example
,
people
 should travel by subway more. Comparatively, the subway does not cause any
greenhouse
 gases.
In addition
, the accident rate
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
subway
Add an article
the subway
show examples
 is much less than
cars
.
Thus
, it causes
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 problems
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 us.
Submitted by wing3602000 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: