IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some say that young people should take a break between school and university to go travelling and learn more about the world. Others say that it is better for them to go straight to university from school, and then go travelling when they have finished their studies. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#say #people #break #school #university #world #studies
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In recent years it is becoming more popular among young
people
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 to take a gap
year
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 between school and
university
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instead
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 of going straight to
university
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 until the end of studies. During
this
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 gap
year
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,
people
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 can go travelling, learn about the
world
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 around them and decide which role in
this
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world
Use synonyms
 they would like to take. On the one hand, there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 a number of advantages and opportunities to taking a break between studies. First of all, the ability to travel is a great opportunity for
people
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 in their youth. Obviously,
people
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 can’t stay in luxury hotels, eat in expensive restaurants and use high-quality services when they are only 18 years old,
however
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, they can see the
world
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 around them with enormous amazing places with breathtaking views that everyone has to visit one day in their life, make connections with
people
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 from different nations and learn their cultures.
Moreover
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, during
this
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 period of
time
Add a comma
time,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 will have a chance to learn more about themselves and their place in
this
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world
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.
For instance
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, some
people
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 can find out that they are into helping others and decide to become a doctor or join some volunteer organisations in the future.
On the other hand
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, there are some drawbacks.
Firstly
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,
this
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year
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 of freedom can distract a young person so much that they will lose their urge to go to
university
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 at all.
Nonetheless
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, I believe that being educated is very important for everyone in the modern
world
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 and
this
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 decision could be a vital mistake.
In addition
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, I suppose that in many families parents will argue the decision to take a gap
year
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 and most likely won’t support it.
For example
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, it is more adequate to save money for future studies than to spend it on travelling around the
world
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 for the whole
year
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. In conclusion, there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 a number of
both
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
advantages and disadvantages to taking a break between school and
university
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.
Nevertheless
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, I believe that despite the drawbacks it is a great chance to learn more about the
world
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 and yourself, and if I had
this
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 chance in my youth I would definitely take it.
Submitted by peltorator on

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coherence cohesion
While your essay is well-organized, ensure that all your main points are equally supported with specific examples or evidence. This will strengthen your argumentation and make your points clearer.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant. However, try to ensure that the conclusion restates your main argument more explicitly to reinforce your stance.
task achievement
In task response, providing a bit more detailed examples for both views can enhance your argument. For instance, detailed cases or statistics that support each perspective could provide a stronger base for your arguments.
task achievement
You effectively discuss both viewpoints and provide your opinion clearly, which is key for achieving a high score in task response.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical flow and structure, with a clear introduction and conclusion, which aids in coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Transitions between ideas are smooth, which enhances the readability and coherence of your essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Gap year
  • Cultural enlightenment
  • Broader perspective
  • Maturity
  • Independence
  • Practical life skills
  • Budgeting
  • Time management
  • Problem-solving
  • Resilience
  • Adaptability
  • Academic mindset
  • Academic momentum
  • Economic argument
  • Financial strain
  • Professional exchanges
  • Study abroad programs
  • International experience
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