IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In the past important knowledge of culture and history was stored in the museums. Nowadays information is freely available on the internet so there is no need for museums. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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For a long time,
museums
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 have been serving as crucial sources of both cultural and historical
information
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, showcasing items belonging to different civilizations, ethnic groups or events.
Nevertheless
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, with the possibility of acquiring data online, some
people
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 have recently started to question the relevance of
museums
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 in today's world, claiming that they are no longer necessary. I completely disagree with
this
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 point of view for some reasons. The primary argument in support of
museums
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 is that they provide clear evidence in the form of artefacts
along with
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 explanations.
This
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 makes them scientifically more valuable as opposed to
information
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 provided by online sources—
such
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 as Wikipedia and forums—which are contributed by ordinary
people
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 and are occasionally fact-checked.
Consequently
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, the
information
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 provided on the internet can lead
people
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 astray, causing misinterpretations, wrong data analysis and flawed research.
This
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 is unlikely to be the case with
museums
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, since researchers and
people
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 in general deal with tangible objects and related
information
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 on the spot. Another reason why
museums
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 still play an important part in imparting cultural and historical knowledge is that they provide an immersive experience.
For example
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, I have been to the Smithsonian Air and Space Museum in Washington D.C. and was astonished by gigantic
airplane
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aeroplane
show examples
 models on display,
while
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 at the same time familiarizing myself with the history of different aircraft, pioneers in the field and their qualities. The impact of
such
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 places is paramount in educating the youth
,
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apply
show examples
 because
information
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 on the internet is limited to text and some media, which can be boring for learners. We can
also
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 see some modern
museums
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 incorporate state-of-the-art technologies,
such
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 as augmented reality demonstrations and interactive shows to enrich user experience.
This
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 clearly shows that in the digital age,
museums
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 are still relevant and even vital for providing education to
people
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. In conclusion, I don't support the notion that
museums
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 are obsolete in
this
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 day and age
although
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 increasingly more
people
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 have access to the internet.
This
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 is because
museums
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 not only provide more accurate
information
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 about culture and history, but they
also
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 kindle one's interest more effectively than online resources, underpinning the essential impact of
museums
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.

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task achievement
Expand slightly on why people believe museums are no longer necessary; this would help to address potential counterarguments.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure every paragraph is clearly linked to the main thesis; while your points are strong, elaborate transitions can enhance flow.
coherence and cohesion
Consider using more varied sentence structures for improved engagement and complexity.
task achievement
Strong use of relevant examples such as the Smithsonian Air and Space Museum to illustrate points.
coherence and cohesion
Clear and logical development of ideas, making it easy to follow the argument.
coherence and cohesion
Effective concluding statement that summarizes the main argument succinctly.
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