Some people think watching TV. is bad for children, while others think that watching TV has more beneficial effects on children. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Whereas
some individuals believe that some detrimental impression would be imposed on scions by watching
Tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
,others are of the notion that its associated advantages surpass in various aspects.
Nevertheless
,in my point of view,its affirmative effects shadow the unwanted offspring in different approaches.
However
,different aspects are uttered here. One of the most highlighted effects of watching
Tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
has to do with the enhancement of users' knowledge that will occur in various realms.
For instance
,not only people's political and social awareness but their biological and even historical information
also
would soar drastically owing to the professional programmes that are broadcasted.
Furthermore
,juveniles would be deterred from getting involved with devastating activities.As a vivid case,when they are entertained by controlled media
that is
released on screens,neither
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adequate opportunity nor enough energy would remain for them to allocate to destroying functions,
such
as delinquency.
On the other hand
,both psychological and physical problems are probable for them to encounter if spend the whole of their leisure time pursuing movies.To enlighten,exercising as a vital activity for balancing both hormones and body metabolisms would be abandoned after a
while
,
hence
obesity conquers them as the main radix behind the majority of diseases,like cardiovascular drawbacks.
Moreover
,the attempts that used to have taken place for their breeding may
be collapsed
Wrong verb form
collapse
show examples
if they are exposed to inappropriate data.To illustrate,
Tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
has the responsibility for enhancing the knowledge of folks of divergent ages and
similarly
Change the word
similar
show examples
genders,
therefore
,some of them can be adverse for toddlers or even youngsters,either sexual or political news that usually targets the elderly as a transparent case.
To conclude
,
although
some side effects in either realm, psychological or physical aspects,can be experienced by the young,to me,it would be eradicated if appropriate
supervising
Replace the word
supervision
show examples
be considered by their parents for prohibiting them from violence
for example
.
Thus
, its favourable side triumphs
while
individuals follow fruitful programmes that are provided for their ages to broaden their horizons about the world.
Submitted by drpnima on

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task response
Your essay addresses both views and provides some relevant examples to support your points. However, there are areas where you can improve to enhance your score. Ensure that your introduction clearly introduces the topic and your opinion. Additionally, make sure to provide a conclusion that summarizes your arguments and restates your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your ideas in a more logical structure to improve coherence. Use linking words and phrases to connect your ideas and paragraphs cohesively. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that your arguments follow a logical progression.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary behavior
  • unrealistic perceptions
  • creative pursuits
  • social development
  • emotional development
  • constructive content
  • screen time
  • parental guidance
  • critical thinking
  • active learning
  • age-appropriate
  • media literacy
  • family bonding
  • moderation
  • perceive
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