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Band 4

Car ownership has increased so rapidly over past thirty years that may cities in the world are now on big traffic jam.

#car #ownership #thirty #years #cities #world #traffic #jam
Car
 ownership number has surged over the past thirty years. In
this
 essay, we’ll discuss how a large number of cars can cause a major
traffic
jam
Fix the agreement mistake
jams
show examples
 in cities and how government should encourage
people
 to reduce using their cars. It’s the fact that
car
 ownership numbers
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 been skyrocketed over the past thirty years. One reason is that using a
car
 is more convenient than using public
transportation
. Public
transportation
 could be
Add an article
an inconvenience
show examples
inconvenience
Replace the word
inconvenient
show examples
 and have more risk exposing to COVID-19.
Furthermore
, the bus is not on time. In order to plan something important, it is necessary to spare plenty of time. If it’s a routine plan, It’s going to be hard.
For instance
, planning the time to go to work. Going to work by bus could take as long as an hour whereas going to work by
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
car
 could take only 30 minutes. It can make you tired in a long run. As the
car
 on
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 road increase,
new
Add an article
a new
the new
show examples
 road is not constructed as fast as the increase of
car
.
Therefore
, the cities in the world are now one big
traffic
jam
. In order to solve the
traffic
jam
 problem,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should convince
people
 to use their cars less. One way to perform is by making
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public
transportation
 more reliable. When
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public
transportation
 is convenient, more
people
 will use it.
Also
, a great deal of money should spend
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 public
transportation
 to subsidize the
people
 using them. If public
transportation
 is better than owning a
car
, more
people
 will use it and the
traffic
jam
 problem will be solved.
Submitted by btno on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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