IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

ome people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with?

#ome #people #advertisements #products #lives
Advertisement is one of the marketing strategies.
According to
 some groups, it forces people to purchase the things that they do not exactly want,
while
 others have a different opinion
than
Correct word choice
that
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the advertisements help to provide new updates which grateful for society. I personally agree with both views. Many consider advertising
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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a waste of money by shopping for unnecessary stuff. First of all, some can be encouraged by seeing
the
Correct article usage
apply
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attractive ads about the products if they have the same product with them.
For instance
, one of my friends bought a new watch recently after watching a new brand advertisement on the TV ,even if he has another watch. Another reason is that the public can be motivated by any
favourate
Correct your spelling
favourite
actor in a particular ad.Utmost, these tendencies would
be ended
Wrong verb form
end
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 up in losing wealth unwantedly.
On the other hand
, advertisements improve the
communitie 's
Correct your spelling
communities
community's
life. To explain in detail, individuals get some new ideas of upgraded
version
Fix the agreement mistake
versions
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 of the brand which aid
to increase
Change preposition
in increasing
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 their social status.
For instance
, most people would like to live with updated content
such
 as electronic devices, gadgets etc. Apart from that, some populations may like to follow the use and throw methods,
therefore
 they may look forward to marketing values.
To conclude
, buying something unnecessarily only the power of advertising products cannot be a good habit to some extent,
also
, it gives more information about newly updated products that certainly improve people's life.
Submitted by sheebacorreya307 on

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task response
The essay addresses both viewpoints but lacks depth in analyzing each one. Work on providing a more balanced and in-depth exploration of the two perspectives.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is somewhat clear, with some points being well-supported. However, there is room for improvement in organizing the ideas and providing a more coherent progression of arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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