IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Nowadays online shopping is extremely popular. What impact does it have on the environmental and people? Who lost their jobs because of it?

#impact #people #jobs
At the present time, online shopping is highly favourable, which has various influences on different aspects
such
 as the environment and individual's life. It
also
 is vanishing some local
businesses
 and jobs as long as providing new opportunities. One of the most important environmental effects of online shopping is reducing transportation for shopping. In fact, by purchasing items online, through different software and websites,
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 fossil fuels are
consuming
Wrong verb form
consumed
show examples
 which results in lower levels of greenhouse gases and air pollution.
On the other hand
, as online shopping is quick and comfortable, it might increase consumerism. Consumerism's cultural effects on the environment would be detrimental due to stimulating
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
manufacturing and producing more artificial products.
Influences
Correct article usage
The influences
show examples
 of expanding online shopping on
people
 are different.
Although
 it provides
people
 with more free time, it reduces their physical activity, which could be problematic in a long run. Another important point to consider is that with less physical shopping,
people
's awareness of their neighbourhood and local
businesses
 will decline sooner or later. As mentioned above, expanding online shopping have negative effects on
people
's communication with local
businesses
 and companies. It means less support for these small
businesses
 which are not active on the internet or do not advertise on social media. By losing their customers, these companies will lose many job positions due to lower profitability and interest. In conclusion, the extension of online shops has affected
people
's routine dramatically and in my opinion, will remove a lot of local
businesses
 which does not accept
this
 opportunity to expand online.
Submitted by fateme.niknam on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: