IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

the world today is a safer place than it was a hundred years ago, and the governments should stop spending large amounts of money on their armed forces. to what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement

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Compared with the previous war conditions, the
world
Use synonyms
 seems to walk through the darkest time in history. I agree with the
statements
Fix the agreement mistake
statement
show examples
 that the
world
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 today is a much safer place than it was a hundred years ago and
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
 governments should stop spending large amounts of
money
Use synonyms
 on their armed
froces
Correct your spelling
forces
. The
first
Linking Words
 reason is that since the
world
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 is in a better condition now, spending so much
money
Use synonyms
 on armed
force
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 is a waste and
money
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 should
be invest
Change the verb form
be investing
be invested
show examples
 in more important things that
benefits
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benefit
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 more people. As we all have known, the armed forces cost a lot of
money
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, from inventing
the
Correct article usage
apply
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weapons, building forts, and hiring
soilders
Correct your spelling
soldiers
 and scientists.
This
Linking Words
 large amount of
money
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 comes from the tax paid by normal citizens. In my opinion, that tax should be used on more vital and urgent matters that can benefit the citizens,
such
Linking Words
 as
infrastruture
Correct your spelling
infrastructure
, education and employment. The
second
Linking Words
 reason is that if one government spends
money
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 on armed forces, the other countries will follow,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 will
Correct your spelling
create
show examples
creat
Correct your spelling
create
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 a vicious cycle. Some countries with poor economic conditions still
spending
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
large
Change the article
a large
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amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
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 of
money
Use synonyms
 on their armed
force
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, because they need to defend
if
Correct pronoun usage
themselves if
show examples
 another country attacks them. The only way to solve the problem and maintain the
world
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 in its peaceful condition is that all the countries
stop
Fix the infinitive
to stop
show examples
 investing
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 weapons and armed
Use synonyms
force
Fix the agreement mistake
forces
show examples
. In conclusion, I agree with the statement that the
world
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 is
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a safer place now and governments should never spend so much
money
Use synonyms
 on
arm
Replace the word
arming
show examples
Use synonyms
force
Fix the agreement mistake
forces
show examples
,
instead
Linking Words
, the
money
Use synonyms
 should be used on more
impotant
Correct your spelling
important
 issues that can enhance the
citizens
Change to a genitive case
citizen's
citizens'
show examples
 welfare.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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