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Band 6

Watching too much television reduces people’s capacity to think for themselves. To what extent do you agree with this point of view?

#television #people’s #capacity #point
there is no denying the fact that watching television is
effect
Add an article
an effect
the effect
show examples
 those who do not think of them. I agree with
this
 view that spending hours watching television is increasing so many positives sides as well as negative. In
this
 ,
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
essay I will explain
this
 point
To begin
 with, on the one
hand
Add a comma
,hand
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 it is commonly known that television is only for entertainment for adults,kids and oldies,
such
 as comedy shows and cartoon movies. That due to spending a lot of
time
 having fun instate of do something more significant
for example
, read books,improve themselves and study, on clear example, when they spend
time
 in front of the tv that will affect and change their minds and
bodya
Correct your spelling
body
 because they are not burning any calories and
this
 appears they are not focusing on themselves.
On the other hand
, the people who watch for a long
time
 could always be
stressful
Replace the word
stressed
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,
in addition
 , they can not connect with their family and friends because they did not use to that,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
moreover
Add a comma
,moreover
show examples
 they will get a
psychology
Replace the word
psychological
show examples
 illness not only
this
 but
also
 it will impact.On their ideas and what they raise for,
For instance
, if they were watching an aggressive show that will put them in risky because they try act
likeq
Correct your spelling
like
 without know the consequences for
this
 reason they are in danger. To sum up, we need to focus more on
our selves
Correct your spelling
ourselves
show examples
 specifically in leisure
time
 and we need to use it in a correct way without technology
tool
Fix the agreement mistake
tools
show examples
.
Submitted by Lotus on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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