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Writing Samples
Band 6

Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Many countries require mandatory military
service
Use synonyms
 for young men. Some people believe that
this
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 system should be extended to all countries, including requiring
women
Use synonyms
 to serve. I completely disagree with
this
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 perspective because military
service
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 should not be compulsory, and
women
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 should not be obligated to join the army. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
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 hand, military
service
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 plays a crucial role in a nation's development. It provides fundamental training for young men and
women
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, preparing them for unexpected crises
such
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 as wars.
This
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 training includes general physical exercises to build strength, the ability to handle and use weapons, the rules of engagement in warfare, and other essential skills.
Moreover
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, the challenges and struggles faced in the military foster a strong mentality and resilience among young individuals.
On the other hand
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, there are many individuals who may face significant challenges in the military
due to
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 their physical abilities.
This
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 group often includes people with disabilities,
women
Use synonyms
, and those with various health conditions.
For instance
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, individuals with disabilities may struggle with coordination, physical exercises, and weapon handling.
Similarly
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, since
women
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 may generally have different physical strengths compared to men, they may
also
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 find military
service
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 particularly challenging.
Instead
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, I believe the government should provide alternative forms of
service
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 for those who are physically unable to
fulfill
Use the right word
fulfil
show examples
 traditional military roles. These alternatives could involve work in social services, assistance in medical
centers
Use the right word
centres
show examples
, or support in homeless shelters. In conclusion,
while
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 military
service
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 offers essential training for young people, I firmly believe that it should not be mandatory for all.
Instead
Linking Words
, introducing alternative
service
Use synonyms
 options for those unable to join the military would benefit both the country and society.

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task achievement
Make sure to explain your ideas in a clear way. Some points could use more details or examples.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use simple connecting words to make your points flow better together.
introduction
The introduction clearly states your opinion about the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Compulsory
  • Military service
  • Conscription
  • Patriotism
  • National security
  • Social equality
  • Discipline
  • Physical fitness
  • Life skills
  • Job training
  • Infringement
  • Conscripts
  • Gender equality
  • Mandatory
  • Economy
  • Education system
  • Labor market
  • Civil service
  • Alternative forms
  • Balanced view
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