In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Nowadays people are interested in their child's development and
give
Verb problem
have
show examples
confidence in their activities. A number of people believe that giving the courage to try hard things at the early stage is good for the future.
This
essay will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of developing the younger generation with
this
message.
Firstly
, One of the major benefits of developing the skill of trying hard at a younger age is they can reach a higher level. It gives self-confidence and not to find it difficult even if others feel bad to initiate any task. When they
grew
Wrong verb form
grow
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up with motivating thoughts they can take any risks to achieve goals.
For instance
, In India Kutraleeswaran tried hard and
swim
Wrong verb form
swam
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through the Indian Ocean to reach Sri Lanka. He was rewarded and his achievement was recognised and written in
World
Correct article usage
the World
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Guinness Record at the age of 12.
On the contrary
, if they encourage children without any clear goal will take into life
dangerous
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
.
Moreover
, in ,childhood they are not fully aware of the risks to be taken for achievement. Parents can not force
the
Change the word
their
show examples
kids to try hard things because of publicity.
For example
, My friend compares his son with the
neighbour
Change noun form
neighbour's
show examples
kids about achievement in TV shows. Later, the kid
lost
Wrong verb form
loses
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his self-confidence and
suffer
Correct subject-verb agreement
suffers
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from their internal feelings. In conclusion, Encouraging children to achieve big is really a good manner but at the same ,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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time they can not force
to
Correct pronoun usage
themselves to
show examples
fulfil their parents' interests. In conclusion, I feel that developing the next generation to take risks makes its advantages outweigh its disadvantages.
Submitted by karthikbala85 on

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Task Response
Ensure that the essay addresses all parts of the task prompt. Develop a clear opinion on the advantages and disadvantages and support it with relevant arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the coherence by organizing the essay more logically. Use transition words and phrases to connect ideas throughout the essay.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • achieve
  • try hard
  • positive mindset
  • self-belief
  • motivates
  • ambitious goals
  • resilience
  • determination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • growth mindset
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • failure
  • effort
  • hard work
  • seek support
  • individual differences
  • abilities
  • capabilities
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