IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people believe that it is essential to include Physical Education classes in the curriculum for all school-age children. Other think that children's time is better spent more academic subjects. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #education #classes #curriculum #children #time #subjects
It is commonly believed that Physical
Education
such
 as sports or programmes related
physical
Change preposition
to physical
show examples
 improvement should be introduced
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
children
 earlier
age
 school system is a must while some argue that young students should focus on only their academic studies. I
am firmly support
Change the verb form
firmly support
show examples
 the statement that
children
 who are younger
age
 should
emphasis
Replace the word
emphasise
show examples
 on physical
education
 classes.
To begin
 with, most
people
 believe that sports or other physical related activities should be engaged to
children
 as early as possible.
This activities
Change the determiner
This activity
These activities
show examples
 may create
children
's talent and their ability for their future.
Moreover
, young
children
 can learn anything easier than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
older ones.
For instance
, in the UK, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 a lot of football
academy
Fix the agreement mistake
academies
show examples
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young kids to be
borned
Correct your spelling
born
bored
talented
Add the comma(s)
,talented
show examples
 players.
On the other hand
, if
children
 spend too much time on their physical programmes, they will get poor
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their academic performance. Some may
thought
Change the verb form
think
show examples
 that academic
education
 is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 only way to
success
Replace the word
succeed
show examples
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 our future journey because
nowadys
Correct your spelling
nowadays
people
 are more competitive. Having a degree and higher
education
 is essential in order to
survise
Correct your spelling
survive
service
 in
modern
Add an article
the modern
show examples
 era. Without these,
people
 may not have good paid jobs
and
Correct word choice
which
show examples
 will result in
poor
Correct article usage
a poor
show examples
 situation. To conclude,
people
,
however
, think differently
on
Change preposition
about
show examples
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
education
, as my point of view, it depends on the
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
age
. Younger
age
children
 should be introduced
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 physical
education
 and at the
teen
Correct your spelling
teenage
show examples
age
,
education
Add an article
the education
show examples
 system should focus on their academic subjects.
Submitted by yannaunghlaing on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: