IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Success is often measured by wealth and material belongings. Do you think wealth is the best measure of success? What makes a successful person?

#success #wealth #belongings #measure #person
It is true that money and possessions seem to be the most important factors for a person to be considered successful.
Although
 I agree with the importance of wealth, I believe that inner virtues are more crucial. Morality and fluency should be more valued to consider an individual a successful person. In today's materialistic world, money has been overvalued as an achievement while there are more important things to be measured.
Firstly
, the importance of being loved by people has been underestimated. If an affluent does not respect others and treat and fairly, the money will not help him
/
her to be amiable.
Therefore
, no one tends to help him
/
her to promote and achieve his
/
her goals.
Secondly
, happiness and health are other vital measures for success. Being rich will not mean anything if the person or his
/
her family have to cope with a serious disease and are not happy.
As a result
, I believe that wealth could help you to thrive but, it is not the best measure of victory. In my view, the influence of people on others is the factor that makes them successful. It is important how others would feel about themselves around an individual, because of which he
/
she could be remembered by them.
In other words
, the way someone helps the world by even doing the small things
such
 as feeding an animal or listening to a friend is what makes his
/
her life fruitful. The feelings caused by an individual or works are done by him
/
her are the only lasting memories of his
/
her,
although
 these virtues are not valued enough nowadays. In conclusion, it seems to me that valuing morality and humanity is the most effective measure for booming and wealth may not be the best one.
Submitted by Sarah_nazari on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: