IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Nowsadays young people spend too much of their free time in shopping malls. This has negative effects on themselves and the society they live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.

#nowsadays #people #time #malls #effects #society
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Shopping malls are increasingly popular with
people
 nowadays, especially with the young. Some
people
 believe that spending too much
time
 in shopping
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 does not have any beneficial outcomes for themselves and the general public.
This
 author totally agrees with
this
 statement owing to individuals’ financial burden and the lack of joining in community service.
To begin
, the careless expense habit can result in financial burden for many young
people
 nowadays.
Due to
 the fact that adolescents are too inexperienced to apply for a well-paid job or get promoted in their career.
Therefore
, their normal incomes are just enough to meet daily life.
As a result
, spending many hours in shopping malls to buy expensive items might lead to unaffordability of daily life.
Thus
, the youth with low income need to consider before spending their
time
 and money on shopping. Another key component of
this
 case is wasting
time
 in shopping centres related to the lack of participants in unpaid community service.
This
 means that young
people
 are less responsible with society if they tend to spend a large amount of their free
time
 on joy shopping.
Consequently
, the young generation who have to join hands to improve the country fail to complete their duties.
Hence
, adolescents play an important role in the development of nations, they should join in non-profit activities rather than spending
time
 shopping in malls.
To sum up
, wasting
time
 on shopping not only has negative effects on an individual’s finances but
also
 on the development of the country.
Hence
, the young generation should consider using their
time
 more wisely.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Expand on your points with more relevant and specific examples to strengthen your arguments. This will help in providing a more comprehensive response.
coherence cohesion
Make sure all paragraphs are effectively linked to contribute to a cohesive structure. Using transition words can help enhance the coherence between your points.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly states the topic and the writer’s opinion, which provides a good start to the essay.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reinforces the writer’s stance, which gives a strong ending to the essay.
logical structure
Each paragraph contains a clear main point, making the essay easier to follow and understand.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: