IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

some people say that the increasing business and cultural contact between countries has a positive affect; others say it could contribute to a loss of the country's identities. Do you agree or disagree

#people #business #contact #countries #loss #country #identities
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Nowadays, globalization has become a heated issue. Whether business and cultural contact play a role in relationships of countries. Some
people
Use synonyms
 think that the local citizen benefits from a multicultural society.
But the
Correct word choice
The
show examples
 opponents believe it can bring
a
Change preposition
about a
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lack of national
identities
Fix the agreement mistake
identity
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. the advantage of the business
contectcan
Correct your spelling
connection
 creates more
employments
Fix the agreement mistake
employment
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 local
people
Use synonyms
. Because of, the flux of foreign companies,
thus
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 these companies are required more job markets to meet their company needs.
In addition
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, it can improve
people
Use synonyms
’s living standards.
This
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 is because their foreign companies bring not only funds but
also
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 advanced technologies.
For example
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, advanced technologies can raise the rate of products, which means that
people
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 can spend
lesser
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less
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 money on commodities.
Besides
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, cultural contact increases interdependence, connectivity and integration .
Such
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as
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apply
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tourism,
people
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 respect and visit other
cultures
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 with an open mind by travelling to foreign history.
On the other hand
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, opponents think that we are facing the problem of losing our own cultural identity because
cultures
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 from other countries are flooding into our nation. Many societies are filled with other countries'
cultures
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. In China, more and more
people
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 dress in fashionable costumes or suits in daily life and
working time
Wrong verb form
work
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 rather than traditional clothing. As
such
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this
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 leads to us losing national identities in costume. In conclusion,
although
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 globalization makes contributions to our daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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, it is harmful to our preservation of traditional culture. I think that the government should enact a series of ways to reach a balance between globalization and traditional
cultures
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by tn.trannhan68 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supports the main argument of the essay. Use transition words to create a more cohesive flow between ideas.
task response
Expand on the reasons supporting your opinion and provide more specific examples. Address both views provided in the prompt and express your opinion clearly in the introduction and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Globalization
  • Cultural exchange
  • Economic growth
  • Technological advancements
  • Interconnected
  • Global community
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Cultural diversity
  • Economic dependency
  • Cultural homogenization
  • Heritage
  • Economic disparities
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