IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good member of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #parents #children #member #society #school #place
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A continuous improvement in
Use synonyms
education
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the education
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system
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 is necessary to produce better results. Some hold the view that
authorities
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 should reduce the educational and financial requirements to take admission
in
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to
show examples
 universities for those with countryside
background
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;
however
Linking Words
, I disagree to grant admissions to
students
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 on
quota
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a quota
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 basis.
Sense
Correct article usage
A sense
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 of competition will be lost in
society
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 by implementing
this
Linking Words
system
Use synonyms
. It means that
students
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 would not work hard to achieve higher grades to get enrolled and they will wait for the announcement of seats from concerned
authorities
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 based on their
background
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. In
this
Linking Words
way
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,way
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 only average
students
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 will get positions in difficult courses and they will not be able to perform better in
further
Linking Words
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
egalitarian
Correct article usage
an egalitarian
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society
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 is the requirement of
modern
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the modern
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 age. Only those communities could
Add a missing verb
be prosperous
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prosperous
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prosper
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 in which individuals enjoy equal rights.
Policy makers
Correct your spelling
Policymakers
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,
therefore
Linking Words
, must consider
Use synonyms
education
Correct article usage
the education
show examples
system
Use synonyms
 along with other policies as well to create harmony
among
Change preposition
in
show examples
society
Use synonyms
. A continuous improvement in
Use synonyms
education
Add an article
the education
show examples
system
Use synonyms
 is necessary to produce better results. Some hold the view that
authorities
Use synonyms
 should reduce the educational and financial requirements to take admission
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 universities for those with countryside
background
Use synonyms
;
however
Linking Words
, I disagree to grant admissions to
students
Use synonyms
 on
quota
Add an article
a quota
show examples
 basis.
Sense
Correct article usage
A sense
show examples
 of competition will be lost in
society
Use synonyms
 by implementing
this
Linking Words
system
Use synonyms
. It means that
students
Use synonyms
 would not work hard to achieve higher grades to get enrolled and they will wait for the announcement of seats from concerned
authorities
Use synonyms
 based on their
background
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
way
Add a comma
,way
show examples
 only average
students
Use synonyms
 will get positions in difficult courses and they will not be able to perform better in
further
Linking Words
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
egalitarian
Correct article usage
an egalitarian
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 is the requirement of
modern
Add an article
the modern
show examples
 age. Only those communities could
Add a missing verb
be prosperous
show examples
prosperous
Replace the word
prosper
show examples
 in which individuals enjoy equal rights.
Policy makers
Correct your spelling
Policymakers
show examples
,
therefore
Linking Words
, must consider
Use synonyms
education
Correct article usage
the education
show examples
system
Use synonyms
 along with other policies as well to create harmony
among
Change preposition
in
show examples
society
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by farrukh.maqsood on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • role models
  • moral values
  • social norms
  • structured environment
  • cooperation
  • respect
  • communal responsibilities
  • decision-making
  • societal integration
  • consistent messages
  • cultural expectations
  • complementary roles
What to do next:
Look at other essays: