IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Success is often measured by wealth and material belongings. Do you think wealth is the best measure of success? What makes a successful person?

#success #wealth #belongings #measure #person
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It is true that
people
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 these days use possessions and property to judge how successful a
person
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 is.
Nevertheless
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, I believe
this
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 is not the best way of measuring
success
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 as not every rich
person
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 is successful in life and vice versa. First of all, having a good financial status does not necessarily mean that a
person
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 is leading a successful life as the way
success
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 is measured could be different based on a
person
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’s beliefs and attitudes toward wealth. Some
people
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 may not need a luxury mansion or an expensive car in order to feel a sense of accomplishment.
For example
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, starting up a new community project would be a huge
success
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 for
a
Correct article usage
the
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 founder of a charity organisation.
However
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, to an entrepreneur,
this
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 may not bring as much satisfaction as gaining a huge amount of money.
Similarly
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, a kid may consider reaching the top of the leaderboard in a game as a sign of
success
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.
In addition
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, there are a lot of rich
people
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 who
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
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 make time for their loved ones, and sometimes they end up being divorced. There are several qualities that make a
person
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 successful. One quality
that is
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 common among
people
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 of
success
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 is perseverance. In the face of failures, they opt to examine their mistakes closely, learn from them and bounce back. Another characteristic that every successful
person
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 tends to have is that they exploit their existing networks in order to make their business thrive.
In other words
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, they never hesitate to approach their partners or friends in times of need.
Furthermore
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, they know how to maintain a healthy work-life balance, which is crucial to a happy life. They set priorities and always make sure they spend enough time with their families no matter how hectic their schedule is.
To conclude
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, material belongings and properties do not really measure a
person
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’s level of
success
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 as there are other equally important factors like a balance between work and family.
Submitted by sirenaphyo on

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task response
Your essay addresses the prompt by discussing the limitations of using wealth as the sole measure of success and presents alternative perspectives on success. You have provided a clear argument and supported it with relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
You have a well-structured essay with clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. To further improve coherence, ensure that your ideas flow smoothly from one to the next by using transition words and phrases.
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