IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Success is often measured by wealth and material belongings. Do you think wealth is the best measure of success? What makes a successful person?

#success #wealth #belongings #measure #person
It is true that
people
 these days use possessions and property to judge how successful a
person
 is.
Nevertheless
, I believe
this
 is not the best way of measuring
success
 as not every rich
person
 is successful in life and vice versa. First of all, having a good financial status does not necessarily mean that a
person
 is leading a successful life as the way
success
 is measured could be different based on a
person
’s beliefs and attitudes toward wealth. Some
people
 may not need a luxury mansion or an expensive car in order to feel a sense of accomplishment.
For example
, starting up a new community project would be a huge
success
 for
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 founder of a charity organisation.
However
, to an entrepreneur,
this
 may not bring as much satisfaction as gaining a huge amount of money.
Similarly
, a kid may consider reaching the top of the leaderboard in a game as a sign of
success
.
In addition
, there are a lot of rich
people
 who
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
show examples
 make time for their loved ones, and sometimes they end up being divorced. There are several qualities that make a
person
 successful. One quality
that is
 common among
people
 of
success
 is perseverance. In the face of failures, they opt to examine their mistakes closely, learn from them and bounce back. Another characteristic that every successful
person
 tends to have is that they exploit their existing networks in order to make their business thrive.
In other words
, they never hesitate to approach their partners or friends in times of need.
Furthermore
, they know how to maintain a healthy work-life balance, which is crucial to a happy life. They set priorities and always make sure they spend enough time with their families no matter how hectic their schedule is.
To conclude
, material belongings and properties do not really measure a
person
’s level of
success
 as there are other equally important factors like a balance between work and family.
Submitted by sirenaphyo on

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task response
Your essay addresses the prompt by discussing the limitations of using wealth as the sole measure of success and presents alternative perspectives on success. You have provided a clear argument and supported it with relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
You have a well-structured essay with clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. To further improve coherence, ensure that your ideas flow smoothly from one to the next by using transition words and phrases.

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