IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people live longer and life expectancy increases. Do you think advantages outweigh disadvantages?

#consequences #care #people #life #expectancy #increases
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Due to the advancement in health facilities like hospitals, health experts, medication methods as well as vaccines. Nowadays,
people
Use synonyms
 could live longer than
people
Use synonyms
 who live in the past.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the retired will be able to spend and enjoy the rest of their life.
This
Linking Words
 situation would
also
Linking Words
 cause some issues for the
government
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, I believe
this
Linking Words
 trend has more benefits than disadvantages.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, today,
people
Use synonyms
 could live until the age of 85 years or more.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they would have about fifteen to twenty years to enjoy their retirement time.
Hence
Linking Words
, they will have an opportunity
to begin
Linking Words
 their own business with their retirement money.
In addition
Linking Words
, they will be able to spend their time with children or grandchildren or enjoy doing hobbies
such
Linking Words
 as painting, gardening or even travelling around the world on a cruise.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who could live longer and have a high life expectancy would be happier than
people
Use synonyms
 who live in the past.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, because there are so many
people
Use synonyms
 at these ages,
this
Linking Words
 condition could be harmful to
government
Use synonyms
 programs.
For example
Linking Words
, they need to reallocate more money for taking care of these groups of the community who are potentially easy to get ill.
Therefore
Linking Words
, due to the limitation of resources, some important aspects
such
Linking Words
 as road infrastructure, energy, clean water, and education would be affected.
For example
Linking Words
, the expenditure for
this
Linking Words
 these sectors might be switched to public health.
Thus
Linking Words
, the other vital needed would not be able to contribute enormously to society due to the lack of funding from the
government
Use synonyms
. To summarize, with the advancement of medical care,
people
Use synonyms
 today are more healthy and have a high life expectancy.
Although
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 trend could affect the
government
Use synonyms
 expenditure to take the old generation. I believe that
this
Linking Words
 has more benefits than disadvantages.
Submitted by anwarachmad426 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: