IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

More and more people move away from family and friends for working. Do the advanatges outweigh disadvantages

#people #move #friends #advanatges
Living far from family and friends seems to be one of the ubiquitous requirements for work in the present life. Even though many
people
 believe that it could bring benefits, I would argue that its drawback outstrips, including expense and unwanted health problems. The only positive experience an individual can gain from living alone at a distance from relatives and friends is independence. When a person lives alone, aside from working, he has to do every chore by himself. No one will wake him up in the morning but him, the person who cleans the room is him. The individual has eventually become independent since there is no one to help to do the domestic chores.
Nevertheless
, I side with those who believe that the disadvantages outweigh. The
first
 thing when
people
 think about renting an apartment is the cost. Including the living cost, it will become a problem for the person who wants to live alone, far from their family and acquaintances. In Asia, and maybe in other parts of the world, young
people
 who have a job usually send some money to their parents as a thank you for raising them.
However
, because of the expensive living expenses, young adults will have to work hard or do more jobs, which leads to some unwanted health problems. There will be stress building up in the working process, and physically weakened due to the overwork,
people
 would be diagnosed with some serious health issues like depression, eating disorders, bad eyesight, and so on. Those problems should be treated immediately or they will get worse, and there is another expenditure for that. To sum up, moving away does sound like a good idea to grow independence.
However
, the cost of money that comes with it is a big demerit of the idea.
Instead
 of that, living with parents or close to them could help a lot when there is a big crisis at the workplace.
Submitted by thanh.jenny on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: