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Band 6

some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely.

#people #information #research #business #world
Doing
research
 and
data
 gathering are aggressively increasing these days. It is often argued that
new
Change the adjective
newly
show examples
 gathered
data
 should be shared with others as much as possible, while many people think that
information
 is
to
Replace the word
too
show examples
 valuable and should not be shared freely. I agree with
latter
Correct article usage
the latter
show examples
 opinion due to
sum
Correct your spelling
some
show examples
reasons
Change preposition
of reasons
show examples
 will be discussed below. On one hand, some people believe that all acquired
information
,
whatever
Correct word choice
whether
show examples
 in scientific fields or business, must be shared for some
reasons
Fix the agreement mistake
reason
show examples
.
Firstly
, sharing
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
research
 results would make faster improvement in
following
Change the article
the following
show examples
research
 and
this
 can make difference in people’s
life
Replace the word
lives
show examples
, especially when they were in science and business. These developments would make better conditions,
for example
, in employment or health.
Secondly
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
poor
societies
Change noun form
societies'
society's
show examples
 access to new
information
 is very hard and it would be not possible if the
data
 maintain private.
Hence
, free
information
 could make them more motivated and aware.
On the other hand
,
data
 gathering and conducting
research
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 very expensive these days,
in particular
, in science and business. Collecting
information
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 a huge number of experiments and surveys, in some cases, and releasing their results without earning money is unacceptable.
For instance
, medical
data
 for producing
covid-19
Correct article usage
the covid-19
show examples
 vaccine was acquired relying on more than 100 persons’ investigation, and
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 would not release that
information
 freely.
Also
, free shared
data
 will become
undervalue
Change the form of the verb
undervalued
show examples
 when the
data
 is much more. In terms of poor people, it should be possible for them to access
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
valuable
data
 in a controlled financial aids system. In conclusion, whereas some
data
 must be shared freely, the most important
data
, which consume
much
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
money to reach
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, could be shared with
special
Add an article
the special
a special
show examples
customer
Fix the agreement mistake
customers
show examples
 with earning money.
Submitted by asghar.khorram on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • information sharing
  • scientific research
  • business
  • academic world
  • advancement of knowledge
  • progress
  • collaboration
  • cross-disciplinary research
  • open access
  • democratization of information
  • transparency
  • credibility
  • intellectual property
  • security concerns
  • commercial interests
What to do next:
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