IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating harmful too much. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#countries #people #health #governments #tax
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In
certain
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the certain
a certain
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nation
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nations
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,
people
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 overconsume unhealthy
food
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as a result
Linking Words
 they
exprience
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experience
 far more
heaith
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health
issue
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issues
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. In my opinion,
goveernments
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governments
government
 should control it by enforcing a financial law. It is my view, we live
on
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in
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 the technology era and
people
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 are attracted by modern lifestyle which results in
lack
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a lack
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 of time for designing
healthy
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a healthy
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 diet and
also
Linking Words
 we are
surronded
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surrounded
 by eye-catching advertisements that pursue us to have process
food
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.
for example
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, a big billboard
in
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on
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 the road which is showing a huge delicious pizza or
burge
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burger
 . The situation is compounded by the fact that they can buy that pizza
by
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with
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 half of
money
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the money
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 that you can buy a healthy dish,
therefore
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,
healthy
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a healthy
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 diet is subject
for
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to
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 debate by nutritionists these days.
Hence
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, several reasons were experimented by these experts that they have proved the cause of many
diseses
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diseases
are
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is
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 consumption of the junk
food
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. diseases like
diabets
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diabetes
, heart problems, obesity and so on. If fast
food
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 were cheap, the general population would eat it on a regular basis because it is easy and fast
then
Linking Words
 it is more likely to suffer from illness. I think allocating a high tax on the harmful cuisine is essential in order to it can compel
people
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 for contributing to the health
ingridients
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ingredients
 and , in turn, they are encouraged to reduce fast
food
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.
In contrast
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, some
people
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 claim that the price of junk
food
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 is not
good
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a good
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 idea to
controling
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controlling
control
consume
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consumption
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it
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apply
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. they firmly insist that the tax can lead companies that produce
process
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processed
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food
Use synonyms
 to bankruptcy.
However
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, I do not find
this
Linking Words
 argument convincing as the dangers of
this
Linking Words
 kind
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food
Change preposition
of food
show examples
 are a threat to the health of a wide range of
community
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communities
show examples
 and it can bring expenditure for a government. In conclusion,I completely agree with adding more tax
to
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on
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 harmful
food
Use synonyms
 by governments because it can contribute
the a
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the
a
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 vast majority of individuals
to fall
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falling
show examples
 the eating unhealthy
food
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 .
therefore
Linking Words
, it can help to
having
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have
show examples
 a healthy community.
Submitted by boreirikimia on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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