IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

An increasing number of people are now using the internet to meet new people and socialise. Some people think that this has brought people closer together while other things people are becoming more isolated. Discuss both views and give you opinion.

#people #internet #socialise
over the recent decades,the influence of the computerized on human life is undeniable.
some
Capitalize word
Some
show examples
 folk hold the view that the cyber world,
whereas
 others think that it has limited the real-life interactions among people. from my ,perspective social publishing has done more good than bad. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both views and give my opinion.
To begin
 with, Nowadays more citizens are busy using mobile phones and wasting time on social media to see
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
videos and images and it makes peers ignore their surroundings ,parents,friends and relatives and it leads to the loss of their value and respect.
moreover
,teenagers spend too much time on the net to interact with other countries and they are following their habits or practice traditions that are not acceptable
according to
 their own religion and social values.
for
Capitalize word
For
show examples
 instance,we have seen some couples going to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
restaurant
Fix the agreement mistake
restaurants
show examples
 sitting together and ignoring each other and engaging with their smartphones
instead
 communicate with each other.
Due to
 these drawbacks of the cyber world, it is comprehensive that many nations hold prejudiced views towards online networks.
on the other hand
, social media sites help the public to have friends from different countries
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 are living in different circumstances
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
learn about other cultures and practise foreign languages.
In addition
,peers having similar interests can share their viewpoints and learn from each other.
although
,they get a lot of job opportunities in social publishing applications.
for example
, software developers share their experiences with each other on the computerized.
there
Capitalize word
There
show examples
 is a lot of useful information are there on the internet. In conclusion, online information highway sites give more benefits than disadvantages.
in
Capitalize word
In
show examples
 my opinion if you use a good way there is more useful information
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
available on the internet.
Submitted by talluriswarna.ts on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion should be more developed and clearly present the main points of the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that the ideas are well-connected and organized in a logical and cohesive manner throughout the essay.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments and make the essay more persuasive and convincing.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: