In some places, old age is valuable, while in other cultures youth is considered more important Discuss both views and give your opinion
One
of the vital issues of a community is the average age of it's
people. Some believe that elders are more precious and essential than younger ones whereas Replace the word
its
other
think exactly vice versa. Correct pronoun usage
others
Generally
young population has many more benefits for Add a comma
,Generally
a
Remove the article
apply
society
than old
Correct article usage
an old
one
as it
has been proved in a long term study.
In some countries that are rare indeed, executives assume elders have a lot of experiences that Correct pronoun usage
apply
has
been gained gradually in many years of Change the verb form
have
hard
Add a hyphen
hard-working
working
. They believe elders, as people who have spent their lives Replace the word
work
to give
service to the community, must be front runners in all fields of a Change the verb form
giving
society
whose directions can lead youngers rationally. They prefer to leave many political, social or cultural posts and vacancies to them rather than giving Add an article
an opportunity
the opportunity
opportunity
to youngsters in order to prevent or somehow decrease any possible risks and their irreparable consequences. Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
For example
, a president of a company does not dare to select his or her cabinet from young candidates.
On the contrary
, the majority of experts and social researchers imagine despite elder's valuable and sensible guidance, which is really respectable, we should regard their physical and mental abilities when they are getting on for
Change preposition
into
60s
that they are not powerful enough to do activities and work the same as what they have been doing already. Change the article
the 60s
Eventually
they become retired and turn into consumers only. Add a comma
,Eventually
In
Change preposition
On
this
occasion
governments are just charged to spend Add a comma
,occasion
vast
Add an article
a vast
the vast
amount
of money for various facilities without any outcome in return. Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
For example
, using different types of health care services that are left to insurance companies. That is
why they come up with the idea of advising people to increase the population in order to force the crowd to become an energetic one
in long term.
In conclusion, although
both side
Change to a plural noun
sides
have
their own merits Change the verb form
has
but
in Remove the conjunction
apply
balance
Add a comma
,balance
second
belief is more acceptable and a
Remove the article
apply
society
needs energetic
and innovative population to thrust the community through the path Correct article usage
an energetic
included
many rivals in different fields Wrong verb form
including
such
as technology, politics, culture,…. We must regard that the outcome of young
Correct article usage
a young
society
despite risks is much more than the old one
.Submitted by farid.detective on
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Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.