It is not necessary to travel to other places to learn about other cultures of other people. We can learn just as much from books, films, and the internet. Do you agree or disagree?
The precedence of exploring the history and culture of other nations was always a hotly debatable topic
has
now become more controversial Correct word choice
and has
while
copious people claim that it is advantageous to travel
to different parts of the world owing to acquired information about their ancient history and rituals. while
critics argue that it is not essential to visit plenty of places because everything is available through the internet and social media. In my, opinion the formal propositions appear to be more rational. This
essay will further
elaborate on my views on the positive and negative impact of this
trend and thus
will lead to an analytical conclusion.
Firstly
, to commence with the first statement I firmly believed
that in an effort to get know-how and acquire adequate Wrong verb form
believe
information
it is vital to physically interact with an area or place. Add a comma
information,
furthermore
, many vloggers and tourists travel
around the earth not only to learn about their culture but also
portraits to the wider folks throughout nature using social media. to illustrate, numerous foreigners travel
to Pakistan and have a range of conversations with an
ethnic people that enable them to evaluate rituals and customs which is quite crucial if we get to know well any person Correct article usage
apply
moreover
they tend to visit the art and craft sites and monuments enable them to learn about their past-time that can not be possible with the eminent usage of technology, books, and movies.
Secondly
, according to
the critics it is not vital to visit the
places owing to because we are dwelling in the age of technology and modernization and Correct your spelling
these
due to
information technology world
has become a global village that's why it's not necessary to Correct article usage
the world
travel
to that place according to
their school of thought every source of knowledge is widely accessible to the general public. furthermore
, according to
the critics, it's a time-consuming process therefore
it also
involved
material costs that can be secured through the usage of today's modern age. Wrong verb form
involves
for example
, plenty of youtube
video is available about the China wall they Correct your spelling
YouTube
provided
data about whom it was built and to whom it was built. Wrong verb form
provide
furthermore
, material-related info how
long itChange preposition
on how
.
Add a missing verb
is.
Finally
, to recapitulate, according to
the aforementioned points reach a conclusion that it is essential to travel
to a specific place in order to get to know efficiently for their customs and traditions which would not be possible through watching movies and surfing the internet relevant to themSubmitted by Shabanraza489 on
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coherence cohesion
The logic and flow of ideas need improvement. Use transition words and phrases to create a more coherent structure.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but could be more engaging and concise.
coherence cohesion
The main points are not fully developed and lack sufficient support and explanation.
task achievement
The essay somewhat addresses the prompt but needs more focus on substantiating the arguments and providing clearer examples.
task achievement
The ideas are somewhat clear, but they lack coherence and the examples need to be more relevant and fully developed.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.
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