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Band 6

When new towns are planned, it is important to build more public parks and sports facilities rather than shopping centers for people to spend their time in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#towns #parks #sports #facilities #centers #people #time
It is argued that it is vital to construct more public
parks
 and
sports
 amenities than shopping complexes during
planning
Add an article
the planning
show examples
 of a new
town
. In fact, I completely agree with
this
 statement because it will make
people
 more proactive and minimize
the
Change the word
their
show examples
stress
 level in them.
First
 of all, opening more public
parks
 and
sports
 facilities will make the
people
 more active.
This
 is because these days
people
 are suffering
with
Change the preposition
from
show examples
sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
show examples
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
, which leads to numerous
health
 ailments. If
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
such
 amenities will be offered to
people
 it will motivate them to do
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
physical activity.
Moreover
, it will enhance the life expectancy of
people
.
For example
, the South Korean government has made stringent rules that every new
town
 should have public
parks
 and amenities for
sports
.
As a result
, inhabitants of South Korea, population do not have obesity issues in comparison to other countries.
Therefore
, planning of
town
 with numerous
health
 facilities will raise the
health
 standards of citizens. Another reason to consider is that involving
sports
 areas and public
parks
 will helps the citizens to destress. These days due to
work life
Add a hyphen
work-life
show examples
 imbalance,
people
 are struggling
from
Change preposition
with
show examples
high
Add an article
a high
the high
show examples
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 of
stress
. if
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
people
 will
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
walk or jog in a midst of nature it will make them relax.
In addition
, involvement in
sports
 helps to distract the
people
 and
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to a decline in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
stress
.
For example
, a recent study by World
Health
 Organization concluded that engaging in
sports
 will negate the
stress
 level by half.
Thus
,
town
 planning should include
such
 infrastructure to curb the
stress
. In conclusion, I strongly agree that during
planning
Add an article
the planning
show examples
 of new towns, it is crucial to construct physical activities places rather than shopping
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 Not only it does curb the sedentary lifestyle of the public, but it
also
 plays a pivotal role in reducing
stress
.
Submitted by drvishal13 on

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