IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

When new towns are planned, it is important to build more public parks and sports facilities rather than shopping centers for people to spend their time in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#towns #parks #sports #facilities #centers #people #time
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It is argued that it is vital to construct more public
parks
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 and
sports
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 amenities than shopping complexes during
planning
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the planning
show examples
 of a new
town
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. In fact, I completely agree with
this
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 statement because it will make
people
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 more proactive and minimize
the
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their
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stress
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 level in them.
First
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 of all, opening more public
parks
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 and
sports
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 facilities will make the
people
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 more active.
This
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 is because these days
people
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 are suffering
with
Change the preposition
from
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sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
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Correct your spelling
lifestyle
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life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
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, which leads to numerous
health
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 ailments. If
,
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apply
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such
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 amenities will be offered to
people
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 it will motivate them to do
the
Correct article usage
apply
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physical activity.
Moreover
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, it will enhance the life expectancy of
people
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.
For example
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, the South Korean government has made stringent rules that every new
town
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 should have public
parks
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 and amenities for
sports
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.
As a result
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, inhabitants of South Korea, population do not have obesity issues in comparison to other countries.
Therefore
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, planning of
town
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 with numerous
health
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 facilities will raise the
health
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 standards of citizens. Another reason to consider is that involving
sports
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 areas and public
parks
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 will helps the citizens to destress. These days due to
work life
Add a hyphen
work-life
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 imbalance,
people
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 are struggling
from
Change preposition
with
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high
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a high
the high
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level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
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 of
stress
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. if
,
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apply
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people
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 will
a
Correct article usage
apply
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walk or jog in a midst of nature it will make them relax.
In addition
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, involvement in
sports
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 helps to distract the
people
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 and
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
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 to a decline in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
stress
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.
For example
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, a recent study by World
Health
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 Organization concluded that engaging in
sports
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 will negate the
stress
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 level by half.
Thus
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,
town
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 planning should include
such
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 infrastructure to curb the
stress
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. In conclusion, I strongly agree that during
planning
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the planning
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 of new towns, it is crucial to construct physical activities places rather than shopping
centers
Change the spelling
centres
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 Not only it does curb the sedentary lifestyle of the public, but it
also
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 plays a pivotal role in reducing
stress
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.
Submitted by drvishal13 on

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