IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later. Some people think they are the best people to talk to school students about danger of committing crime. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #prison #citizens #school #students #danger #crime
Serving sentences in a
prison
 can change a person drastically as he lives with his thoughts for a considerable amount of time and there is nothing to distract him from doing so. Some people who have served jail sentences become an acceptable part of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society later, and some
believe
Replace the word
belief
show examples
 in the idea that they are best suited to have a dialogue about the hazards of committing a crime with school students. I agree with the above statements. Living behind the bars for a great deal of time can change the outlook of many criminals. They start introspecting the wrongs they did and long to look at the bright side.
Moreover
, life in the
prison
 itself is very depressing as people lose their freedom and have to follow the routine that has been instructed to them.
As a result
, they value their life out of
prison
 and tend to make sure that they would not repeat these mistakes so that they do not end up in jail again. Eventually, these individuals turn out to be good citizens later. The convicts can have a productive conversation with school-going
children
 as they can share their experiences and verse
children
 with the difficulties they had to face in the
prison
. By doing so, they can instil a fear of how they were treated inside the penitentiary and how necessary it is to abide by the laws that have been laid out by the government.
Furthermore
,
children
 will become empathetic as they can learn from the thought process of
such
 criminals,
consequently
, they will make sure not to commit these mistakes. To conclude, I completely agree that after serving the punishment, criminals can become better citizens, and allowing them to converse with school
children
 is a fantastic idea as
children
 realize how important it is to value the freedom that they have by listening to the struggles that the convicts had to go through.
Thus
,
children
 would never think of committing crimes and the world would become a safer place to live in.
Submitted by harpinder.singh04 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • rehabilitation
  • redemption
  • real-life experiences
  • perspectives
  • consequences
  • impact
  • practical guidance
  • criminal activities
  • root causes
  • prevention
  • misconceptions
  • stereotypes
  • second chances
  • personal transformation
  • empathy
  • forgiveness
  • support
  • rehabilitation process
What to do next:
Look at other essays: