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Band 4

Some people say that the internet is bringing people together by making the world smaller. Do you agree that the internet is making it easier for people to communicate with one another

#people #internet #world
Spending
time
 on social
media
 takes away
time
 and energy that could be put toward cultivating real relationships. According to Robin Dunbar, an anthropologist and psychologist
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the University of Oxford,
people
 can hardly keep up with the lives and interests of more than 150
people
 in real life. But with social
media
,
people
 can easily keep track of the lives of more than 150
people
.
However
, the main problem is the lack of deeper connections to them because any face-to-face
time
 is hardly invested into these relationships, unlike friendships in reality.
Therefore
, most social
media
 friendships remain at a superficial level. Seeing only the best of other
people
’s
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
 can make social
media
user
Fix the agreement mistake
users
show examples
 feel inadequate and depressed and the main target group is teenagers.
For example
, many girls felt overwhelmed by the apparently perfect pictures on social
media
 platforms, as they believe that these photos are models for normality.
As a result
, the young users start to doubt their own appearance, because it does not correspond to the images on social
media
. In
this
 case, social
media
 is more or less the main factor for anxiety, depression and worries about body image among teenagers. Personal health can be natively impacted by spending too much
time
 on social
media
.
Although
 the health condition varies from
person
 to
person
, scientists mostly agree on the point that excessive social
media
 usage can cause diseases related to
eyes
Correct article usage
the eyes
show examples
 and sitting too long in front
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 devices
increases
Change the verb form
increase
show examples
 the risk of coronary heart
diseases
Fix the agreement mistake
disease
show examples
 significantly.
In other words
,
although
 social
media
 has no direct linkage to bad personal health, it is still an important factor. Some
people
 might argue that messaging on social
media
 can eventually lead to face-to-face interactions.
This
 can be dangerous
however
Add the comma(s)
,however
show examples
. In reality, no one really knows if the
person
 is conveying his or her real character, some even fake their identity with intention.
For example
, during the process of catfishing, where a
person
 creates a fictional persona on a social networking service and a specific victim would be targeted. In the end, the goal is usually in
financial
Correct article usage
a financial
show examples
 aspect or it could
also
 be a way to intentionally upset a certain
person
.
Submitted by lucy1119 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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